Definition of Insane

Insane: Doing the same thing repeatedly, without changing the parameters and expecting different results.

Time and time again I am faced with people who confide in me about various things in their life they are unhappy about. Some minor and some major. I am more than willing to be the friendly ear and shoulders to cry on. What are friends for?

My only problem is having to listen to the same problem over and over again. How many times do we have to talk about the same topic before I can justifiably tap the mat and say I give up. I want to help, I want to be there for them, but unless they actually do something to help themselves I cannot offer anything more. It is crux of the "help a friend in need" issue. You will always get to a certain point where your usefulness as a friend is used up. What I mean is; the friend with the problem that needs to be changed so badly has to take ownership of the problem and make the necessary changes (usually hard changes) to see any benefit from our friendly support.

Basically, if you want something to change in your life, you MUST change something in your life.

Make sense? I hope so, because no truer words have been spoken. Think about...everything you have done in your life thus far has led you to this exact point in your life. If there is something in your life you feel is missing then you have to be honest about it and realize (and here is the important part) whatever you need to do to attain the missing component you have not been doing thus far in your life. . Understand? So sitting and wondering what you are doing wrong is a waste of time, because it IS NOT about what you are doing wrong, it IS about what you aren't doing at all.

The next most destructive thing to do is to try something and then globally decide it is not working without having been fair about your expectations of the results. When you make the fantastic decision to try something new to facilitate the change you are looking for, you need to find out what to expect as results. If the idea should take three years to yield results and you throw in the towel after year one, then how can you claim it did not work? You only put for 33% of the required work/effort. If you chose to determine the effectiveness of your adventure without knowing the what the "norm" is then you will give up too easily. And I suspect that is the type of thinking that got you to this point in your life where you feel change is critical. So we have come full circle.

Next phase is the "nothing I try works" phase. This phase is riddled with misguided emotion that is fueled by the very thinking that landed you in this mess. The reason it is driven by misguided emotion is as stated above. Your approach to things you try. Let's digress for a moment. Let's say you never made bread before and you decided you wanted to make bread, BUT you figured you knew best and didn't really need to follow the instructions (normal expectations). You decide this should not take more than a half hour to prepare. Off you go to make a change in your life. So you but everything together and slap the dough in the oven after your half hour of prep. Now we wait and see if the change in your life works out and yields the desired results. Baking time is over and your 'loaf" of bread is terrible and flat. Now you decide nothing you try works and that you can't make bread. HOWEVER, that is not entirely true, had you investigated (read the instructions) you would have discovered the prep time is an hour and half, due to the kneading and rising times required to yield a good loaf of bread. Had you known what the normal expectations of effort were required you would have been able to put in the proper amount of effort and truly found out if you can bake bread.

The same principles can be directly applied to major life changes, simply understand the hours to make bread represent years or longer. I blame the art of advertising for this unfortunate black hole some of us find ourselves. Naturally if you want to coax someone into using your product or service you need to show them a snapshot of the results. These snapshots are generally a "perfect storm" scenario. What you can fail to understand is that, although these results are real, they are not typical. You start with a the desire for change, but with a false expectation of results. Then when the results don't match your expectations (which are unrealistic based on normal results) you feel you have failed and give up. Bottom line is you never gave it the proper amount of time to get the results you were looking for.

All I can say is do your homework. Know exactly what to expect and then you will know why the results are happening the way they are. Go out and make a change.

If you want something to change in your life, you MUST change something in your life

My Two Cents

Jamie