A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

I recently received a message from someone who I knew a long time ago. We worked together and through the glory that is Facebook they were able to lay witness to the changes I have made over the last year and half; through a photo I posted of my wife and I at a recent family wedding. The message came with an uplifting feel that reminded me how important my journey has been. Not just for me, but for those around me too.

I still forget that the changes my body has undergone since March '04 are completely beyond the scope of what I thought was possible, and I guess the same can be said for people who have known me over the years; both recently and a long time ago. At my current age I have met a lot of people; and this lifestyle change has created a situation where so many people have never seen me looking like I do now. Because I have never looked like this as an adult! It's kinda crazy really. Looking back to my High School days some 20 years ago, my body was shaped differently and I weighed more. Not much more mind you; my current weight is about 20lbs lighter than my weight in High School. I can't honestly recall a time when I weighed the same as I do today, nor can I remember my body's shape looking the way it does now either. Also, I can honestly claim that I NEVER thought I could actually weigh less than 200lbs. The concept was foreign and unattainable to me just a short time ago. I didn't feel the need to be less than 200lbs either. In fact I always joked with guys that "You aren't a real man unless you weigh at least 200lbs!" Quite a bold statement, from someone trying to make an excuse for being over weight. For me to now be well under 200lbs is shocking to me. It almost doesn't seem real. Whenever I do get on a scale (which isn't often) I still expect the much more than I see. I usually get off and step back on, thinking I must have did it wrong. I walk away from the scale shaking my head wondering if it is true. Luckily I don't own a scale so I don't have to worry about being confused ALL the time!

I am still caught off guard by comments from people regarding how I look. Especially those I have known for so long and not seen in a while. They have known me for years and they only know one version of me and he is much bigger. From the age of 16 to 36 is a long time of meeting new people and building bonds of friendship. Some of those people I see regularly and others not so much. It is the ones I happen upon infrequently that are most astonished. They clearly have a specific memory of me and today's version just doesn't match.

The interesting part of this is when someone I have met since the changes collides with someone who has known me for years. The frame of reference for my friends of many years confuses those who are new acquaintances and friends to my World. Naturally newer friends only know me as I am today (80 lbs lighter than before) and can't imagine me any different, whereas, my long time friends, family and acquaintances at a different time in my life couldn't imagine me as I am today. It's an interesting merger of mindsets that I am fascinated by. I'm weird, I know. I am student of people and that will never change. One group looks at me wondering where it all went and the other group looks at me and wonders where would it go!

I am encouraged by the thoughtful things I have heard from people around me. It reminds me why I took up the challenge...to regain control of my health. Its those comments and compliments that act as motivation to remain on task. Healthy, strong heart and active muscles. Two goals, one life. Simple enough? I think so. I keep it simple and don't sweat the small stuff………except when I'm exercising!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Am I That Important? I sure hope not!

As I write this I am torn. Am I really a terrible guy? I don't believe this to be true. Some might think so, which is really unfortunate.

There comes a time, seemingly annually now, when I feel forced to question my worth in life. I know I shouldn't but certain events always put me in a precarious spot. I believe I make a serious effort to be a good person, perhaps too good. What I mean by that is; I consistently try to accommodate everyone (except those seeking PC help). The problem is, from time to time, World's collide and I am only one man and cannot be everything to everyone and additionally not everywhere at the same time. Its intresting how people don't pick up on this. People and events get missed, mostly due to lack of planning and advance notice on the event planner's part. Does it suck, yes, sure it does, but doesn't life go on?
But why is everything hinging on my appearance? Or at least made to seem that way? Why is the entire success and everyone's chance at a good time resting on my shoulders? Am I that important? I hope not!
I find myself feeling a great deal of pressure at these times. If I am not available the event will be ruined! Which is absolute nonsense Not allowing myself to be effected by this is something I need to continue working on for my own mental health. But the fact remains; if I respond that I am unavailable due to other plans and this causes the wheels of that party bus to come off, something is wrong. Am I right?
I cannot and quite frankly will not believe that the success of the event and everyone's happiness hinges on my attendance! Seriously?! Its just not possible. Nor do I want it to be. I know I'm not that important! That isn't a negative statement either, I just don't believe I can wield so much power over others state of mind. So why then, do comments and ill feelings projected towards me lend to the very notion that I wield this unwanted burden?
I will boldly suggest that the problem lies on the otherside of the equation. I have written before about ownership of problems and the path to less stress is to assign proper ownership of issues. Only own your issues and ensure others own theirs. I think the time is fast approaching that my last unconquered frontier is dealt a harsh taste of reality. I cannot have ANY effect on the happiness (or disappointment) of others unless THEY CHOOSE to have my actions effect their happiness. They will have to own their unhappiness and NOT project it back on to me or others around them. Their choice to be unhappy or disappointed is an emotion they own and must deal with it appropriately. Least of which is trying to pawn the emotion off on someone else rather than feel it themselves and process it.
Delve in to the feelings and realize no hurtful intentions exist and therefore a logical response would be to let it go and enjoy life and its glorious splendor. View the event as a missed opportunity for those not in attendance and a great time for those there. Its counter productive to constantly look at life based on what you don't have.
I cannot continue to allow others to assign their unresolved issues to me. Thus, projecting their feelings on to me, in an attempt to have me be the problem, to attempt to make me in to a bad guy.
I truly feel I am doing a good job of taking care of my responsibilities in my life AND living within the choices that have brought me to where I am today. I don't make excuses for my life choices nor do I expect anyone else to. I choose to find happiness in the choices, even the really, really tough ones. Are mistakes made absolutely, but moving forward is the only option. Moving back is impossible.

My Two Cents

Jamie
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network