Being a parent of a preteen or teenager in 2010 is not like anyone could have truly predicted 20 - 25 years ago. Think back for a moment, a brief one, as to how we communicated with our friends. Internet? What's the Internet? We had no cell phones, no text messages, no instant messages and certainly no Internet and if we had Internet (in our later teens) we certainly did not have the Internet in the palm of our hands! The Internet seemed to be reserved for the rich and famous or the school computer lab; you know this Internet thing is just a fad right?!? No, we had to make a phone call, from a phone attached to a cord! Of course we only could make that call if we were given permission from our parents and our time was limited. This small stroll down memory lane isn't intended to appear as a complaint or a longing for simpler times; not at all. No diatribes about how I walked ten miles in six feet of snow, uphill both ways to school here. But this sure begs the question, "What frame of reference does a parent (do I have) in 2010 to the unique environment our young people find themselves in?" Let's face it, we have no clue what it's like to be a teenager living in an instant 24/7 access World. How are we expected to know how to be a parent or how to "govern" this technological World our kids are growing up in? I know the same complaints are made by all parents from generation to generation. We get stuck trying to compare our teenage years to theirs and wonder why the same set of rules we grew up with don't seem to work or apply here. Seriously, the advent of the TV and it's like technology did not have the same type of impact on the teenagers of it's time, as the Internet is and will continue to have on it's generation. The exponential advancements in technology have changed everything about what it means to become a teenager. A paradigm shift if you will...
In an effort to give our kids as much freedom as we're comfortable with, helping them to grow up and learn to be responsible, we try to supply them access to the technology available. At the same time, hopefully not giving them more then they can handle. Basically we need to perform a perfect juggling act.
Enter here: the BIG World of technology.
Technology surrounds our teenagers, freedom is everywhere whether we are there to guide them or not. 24/7 access is a very real possibility and I wonder if the teenagers of the 21st century are ready for it. I know, like all teenagers, they think they are invincible! It has to be overwhelming though for a child hitting puberty. It has to be! Everything in their life is changing, all at once and at break neck speeds. New school, new friends, body changes, new freedoms, the list is long and technology just adds a very interesting dynamic to the mix.
That is the challenge, isn't it. How do 21st century parents protect their children without being crowned the technology police, unreasonable, over protective, outrageous or simply unfair? A high wire act without a net, set over a bed of explosives if I ever saw one. Parents be warned.
Looking back, for my youth, week night curfews seemed to work. It brought the kids home and had them unwind before getting to bed on a school night. If after curfew we had to talk to a friend we initiated the chess match that was determining how long we could talk on the phone. Ya see, call waiting wasn't available so us being on the phone meant no one could call the house! This game's degree of difficulty was greatly increased by the factor known as "a sibling". Now although curfews are in place for my teenager to have him home at a reasonable hour during the week; it just isn't the same. With the addition of cell phone calls and texting, along with iPod touches with WiFi access to the Internet; my teenager isn't really "home" even after he walks through the door. Its not entirely his fault, we provided him the technology, he is simply using the devices placed in his hands.
These devices we introduced as tools for us as parents to offer more freedom. Freedom given because we can have instant access to them. In addition, technology is also a tool used to teach responsibility to our teens. Problem now is, it has also created a potential for disaster too. To combat the potential problems and overwhelming concept of "always on communications" we have added a technology curfew on school nights. This seemed like a viable solution that was pretty fair, I'd say. Again, I have no concept of what it is like being a teenage boy with all this "stuff" at my finger tips. Thank God, I went back to school to be educated about the technologies of the 21st century. I thought I went back to school to start a new career, I'm beginning to think it may have been just to have a hot clue what my kids are dealing with!! This curfew (no cell phone, no iPod, no computer after a certain time) should provide an opportunity for him to slow down and relax before bed; thus improving his sleep. A bonus is actually having him "home" for a portion of the evening we us. Surprising to me was his reaction. He actually felt this to be fair. We had a long conversation that felt a lot less like Dad suppressing his son and more like a friend honestly looking out for a friend. I think he got "it". I suspect he too found the continuous access his friends have a pain and this way it's easier to blame his parents and their stupid rules. The alternative would be for him to ask his friends to back off, but that isn't easy for a growing teenager.
Even though that went well...I am still struggling with how I handled it. My fear and concern for him as he continues his journey towards becoming a man is not going to be lessened by one success. In an effort to do right by my kids I am constantly questioning if I made the right decision about nearly everything. Which sucks! HaHa! Oh well, the next three to five years are going to be tough on me, I wonder if they will understand that; as this chapter of our lives unfolds. I hope so...
My Two Cents
Jamie
