Ever tried something you thought you would be really good at failed miserably? I know I have. It is amazing how hard we can be on ourselves when this happens. The expectations were high, although there was nothing supporting the notion that we could do it, but we believed! Then upon coming to the shocking conclusion that we aren't truly living up to the vision of grace and excellence we came to understand; we crash hard like a kid about an hour after his pixie stix buzz wears off. Why do we set ourselves up to fail? Because it is essential to actually achieving any level of success. Failure breeds success.I read this Michael Jordan quote that got me to thinking. All natural talent and amazing skills aside, MJ only reached his level of success by experiencing a lot of failure.
“I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan
I found it to be a powerful statement on success. Without failure, at least some small ones, we can never actually achieve true success. Each failure teaches you something and provides and opportunity to improve. Embracing failures empowers us to learn and ultimately achieve success. The challenge is to accept failure as a tool and not a terrible event. A tool used to define the growth of a successful person.
Let's back up a little, only to reflect on the word failure. The word failure seems so finite and harsh. However, by definition the word failure isn't as abrupt.
| 1. | an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success |
| 2. | nonperformance of something due, required, or expected |
| 3. | a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency |
Words in the definition include; instance, nonperformance, an act. These action words break down the concept of failure to something much smaller, rather than the big picture feeling the word failure can evoke.
That's why I say failure is a useful tool. It marks a moment in time where I have a specific opportunity to learn something important. Of course, this is providing I am capable of looking inward to cease the opportunity instead of looking for others to blame or other excuses. This concept brings me to an import lesson. One I am learning as you read this. I have recently been struggling with my healthier lifestyle choices. Emotionally tough times have become a source of weakness and I am not defending myself very well.
Let's be clear, I haven't gained a pile of weight or anything. Surprisingly I am still maintaining, goes to show what a little exercise can do for maintenance! Any way, enough stalling. I believe lately my worries about my job and a shift in my parenting role (new teenager and daughter needing mom more than dad at this time) has actually caused some problems for me. I think I am feeling un-needed in some way. Sadly I have turned to food to console me, well really only one day in particular. Like an earthquake there have been some subtle aftershocks, but only one big shake up. It's a problem though, one I thought I had put behind me. However, I am here now to tell you this isn't a big deal (upon review of the event and subsequent detailed analysis).
I struggled for days with how I was dealing with this. I had a day of ridiculous food choices, all in the name of comfort. In my head, I pleaded with the food; Food make me feel better, please. I think the worst and most scary part of that day was the complete loss of control. I heard the rational voices in my head reminding me of the healthy choices I could eat, but it was almost like my rational voice had absolutely no effect on the actions of my body. Upon reflection, I truly felt scared by the events of that morning, how could I ignore the simple healthy choices?
As I made my way through that Saturday I seemed to regain my composure, slowly making my way back to sanity. In the past this type of eating would consume days and weeks; only to plant a small seed of habit to my eating practices. Over time those small little habits compounded one another and lead to my unhealthy weight. This time seemed different, a positive I need to focus on.
By Monday I was back to my exercise plans and re-focused on healthier food choices again. As a side note, I did not drop any of my exercise requirements, it was only my food/fuel choices that were effected by the break down. That was a couple weeks ago and I am looking back on my failure with an open mind. I am trying to find the lesson to be learned, perhaps a road map to avoid the pitfall when it happens again. Let's not kid ourselves here, this is a life long battle, one that will consist of shining, glorious moments of triumph and moments of unfortunate feelings of failure. Those who have never struggled with their weight don't truly understand and I don't expect them too. One lesson I learned for sure is the idea that mistakes are a part of the journey to a healthier life overall. I also realized something super important Sunday morning......I didn't gain 80 lbs due to my unfortunate set back!! That's right folks, as frustrating as it can be to suffer a set back, it DOES NOT set us back to the start! Take it on face value, a minor set back. The key was to review what led up to the break down and determine what can be done to get in front of the problem before it becomes the same minor set back.
For me, it definitely would involve talking to someone. I have an incredible person in my life who is understanding and patient. I need to trust in her support. It will be hard, no doubt, because the embarrassment of feeling powerless to stop myself from eating junk as a meal is overwhelming. But that is my tentative plan when I begin to feel powerless and seek the comfort of food next time. She won't be harsh or degrading, she will just talk me through it and be available to help.
The bottom line here is simply this; don't let failures monopolize your thoughts. Focus on the successes and get back on track ASAP. The very next day is ideal. If its food for you, get back to the healthy food choices like nothing happened. If you skipped the gym a few too many times, when you had no good reasons to do so, get back there at your next chance (same goes for home exercising). Don't head back (restart a home program) thinking you have to work harder to eliminate the recent failure because you cannot eliminate the failure. You can only move on from where you currently are. The focus has to be on what you are doing moving forward, not how can I erase what happened. Sadly we don't have any of those fancy devices the Men In Black have in the movie, that with the click of a button we forget the last few hours. That would be SWEET, but alas we have to file the experience under "Let's not do that again!" Moving on would be so much easier with mind wipe tool, don't ya think! Anyway.......
Thanks for allowing me to expose a low point my life. It seems the writing almost always focuses on the success and leaves some feeling like I am no longer struggling or experiencing any sort of failures. I fail, but I learn, therefore success is found within every failure.
So remember, as I tell myself first, I can't expect to never fail. Failure is an opportunity to learn and moving forward is my only option. If I never fail, quite frankly, I'm not making enough attempts at being a success!
My Two Cents
Jamie
