It’s ironic. We, as this generation of parents, want to provide so much for our children, but is our desire to “give our kids a better life than we had” putting their potential for greatness in jeopardy? Time and time again we see some of the most powerful, influential and successful people in the World having come from very meager or impoverished backgrounds. Take Oprah Winfrey, she battled through some extremely difficult years in her young life; from abandonment to sexual abuse, until finally being reunited with her father who instilled a powerful work ethic in her and provided her the support to do great things. Another example would be Jim Carrey, albeit not a powerful media mogul like Oprah has become, Jim Carrey still has found success after living a portion of his life living with his family in their car. The point is this; history is supposed to teach us something. If you look back on the early years of some of favorite stars, famous people or influential leaders we will often find poverty and hardship. We find they have faced adversity square in the eye and found a way to battle through to emerge a winner. What do we offer our children? Everything and anything they ask for, with a side helping of protective bubble to round out the offer!
Does the phrase “I want to give my child a better life than I had” ring any bells? It should. You hear it repeatedly from parents all over North America. But by giving them a “better life” are we robbing them of their future potential? Shouldn't we be teaching the valuable lessons adversity taught us? I think the problem lies in the subjective phrase a better life; how can we define a better life. The only way we can actually provide a better life is to use a time machine and bring our kids back to the point in time we were of childhood age and raise them there, carving out a better path. Our children live in a different time then we did and cannot offer a better life based on what we deem as a terrible childhood. Think about what you are saying when you proclaim your goal to be, giving your children a better life…you are openly saying your childhood was terrible. Was it truly that bad that you need to provide so much better? I wonder how children are to realize how difficult life can be at times when they never face an adversity or have to own up to responsibility within their lives. As parents we do everything for them. The biggest issue is trying to eliminate their risk and potential for danger at every turn. We try to ensure they don’t get hurt, whether it is physically or emotionally. Is this really giving them a better life than we had? I don’t think so; I think the tough times we faced as kids are what shaped us into what we are today. Our freedom to make mistakes and learn from them helped us understand how to succeed. Also our ability to manage some risk on our own was huge in developing our ability to discern normal risk vs. dangerous risk. I think we are creating a generation of soon to be adults who will not have a clue how to live in the real World. A World where mommy isn’t there to hug you a nanosecond after you bump your knee. A World that isn’t going to give you everything you want simply because you “need” it and a World that will be unforgiving and harsh when they make mistakes. If they are taught how to accept mistakes as a necessity of the learning process and realize that the standard bumps and bruises in life do not require extended periods of time to recover (coddling), then our children will be better equipped to take on any challenge they see fit tackle. I think the mention of Oprah’s father providing support was a key point. Support should be based on the needs of the person facing the challenge NOT the person providing the support. Unconditional support is what you want to aim for. I have said it before; we are all capable of achieving anything our greatest support believes we can.
Basically some of greatest leaders and influential people we look up to did not have everything handed to them, nor were they afforded the opportunity to fly through life without accountability and in fact some battled through some pretty heinous conditions. The Oprahs of the World were bred out of a necessity to do honest, hard work to achieve greatness. They were forced to find their own inner strength (which I believe we are all born with) to persevere through obstacles which set them up for making the leap from a difficult life to a success to an icon. There was no magic formula, simply school of hard knocks learning with a healthy addition of a supportive role model. The supportive role model is the key factor in most cases. Naturally I am not suggesting children need to be beat or emotionally destroyed to be great individuals one day, however, I am suggesting that children need to understand life can be a rough ride at times and MUST be given the chance to discover their own inner strength as children to allow them to parlay that into a functional understanding of their survival skills long before they ever really need them. I am also suggesting we step out of the role of SUPER PARENT protector of children from all that may hurt them as soon as we can and assume the most critical role you will play in your life, #1 supporter. Children will feel safe no matter where life takes them or how far away they are if they ALWAYS know their #1 fan is going to be just that.
My Two Cents
Jamie
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