All Hail Formed Boneless Pork

For the love of all things holy and sacred! McDonalds has decided to bring back the Mc”Rib”. Sorry I have to use quotes around rib, but I can’t possible class this disgrace to the art of creating mouth watering ribs in the same category. I will of course give credit where it is due; brilliant marketing of yet another heart stopping salt bomb! If you are unaware, McDonalds didn’t just follow the normal plan of taking a product off the market to create customer demand and by doing so minimize the stagnation of such a yummy treat. NO NO NO. They took it another level here folks! A farewell tour!! You read that right, a farewell tour and not just any farewell tour; one to rival the likes of an aging rock band trying to squeeze out one more tour to ensure their current millions don’t get lonely. The image above will transport you, in true Harry Potter port key fashion, to the stroke of brilliance that is the McDonalds marketing team.

They build it's exit up in fine style, leading us, as the removal of this glamour whore is brought to a fevered pitch, like pigs to the trough. People are begging them to keep it on the menu. Are they promising to eat one every day for the rest of their lives or what? There are websites built, blogs started, forums created and messages boards full of boneless pork zombies consoling each other like they will be losing a dear relative to a long battle with Cancer. I suppose the marketing works well enough to mask the fact that this sandwich is nothing more than processed pork pressed into form, like Playdoh, to resemble a slab of pork, with some “bones” thrown in for effect (see photo on the left). Yummy for my tummy! I mean really is this what it has come to? Is formed pork what drives our economy? Cheque please I need to go home! Isn’t the whole point to eating ribs the thrill of the fight? Isn’t it about a barbaric frenzy regressing back to our primal instincts as we sit hunched over a plate piled high enough so as to not be distracted by our fellow caveman across the table; both hands gripping the slippery ends of the tantalizing treat as we rip flesh from bone? In the process finding new ways to spread the saucing goodness of some slow roasted pork ribs to new locations on our bodies, say, behind your ear? What!?! I had an itch and there was certainly no time to wipe my hand first! Basically eating ribs should require an intense hose down with some sort of pressure washer or a good stiff shower.

To be completely forth right, I myself was at one time a big fan of the Rotten Ronnie’s tasty little pork invention. Really it is an invention; pork doesn’t come off a hog like that! I used to par take in the McRib back in the day and admittedly was a little unhappy when it left the menu. Sad reality has just set in; I need to go and gargle some bleach to wash away to thoughts of the slippery little bugger passing my lips many years ago. On second thought some therapy might be a better option. But it was good, or so I thought. My taste for finer foods was not yet developed back then.

So kudos to the marketing genius at McDonalds head office that has the power to grab a brand new generation of McRib lovers time and time again with a swipe of their magic pork wand.

With that I must go eat something salty and void of anything remotely nutritional! Or perhaps this banana I have in my lunch; a banana? Doesn’t seem to have the flair of a BBQ sauce drenched, pungent onion wearing, piece of formed boneless pork on a bun, with pickles added for color now does it?

My Two Cents

Jamie