What a weekend! It was a long weekend and not because of the extra day off either. I still find it amazing how strong a routine can be and how it can effect so much. But I guess I shouldn't be shocked when it surrounds us every where we look.
People in bad relationships continue to plug along without any chance of happiness. Routine is often mistaken for the ever elusive feeling of love. Is it the person you love or the routine created by being a relationship with that person. Ask yourself, "Does this person enhance who I already was before I met them?" or has your life changed dramatically to accommodate the other person and "yourself" gets lost in the shuffle? It only takes about 21 days to carve a new routine, that is not much time relationship wise. Now I am not poo-pooing relationships here, I believe most relationships are an incredible connection between two people that makes each of the lives better each and every day. I am merely pointing out the concept of routine as it's negative effect relates to some relationships.
Routine isn't just about relationships, it is about every day life. We get into a routine about how we get dressed in the morning, get ready for work, what we eat, how we drive to work, how we turn on our computers, which programs we open first and in what order, when we go for breaks, lunch and home time. We continue the routine through to our personal lives too. We do things in a very robotic way sometimes. And when ANYTHING alters our routines BAM! We are sent into a tailspin of emotional upheaval. It may not manifest itself into tears or flamboyant tirades, it can be subtle and distracting.
As I said earlier, I am continuously amazed at the power of routine, whether it is myself or I watch someone else self destructing when things don't go exactly as the routine has laid it out in our minds. Let me explain how I got here. I, myself, am a victim of the routine monster controlling my mood, instead of me controlling how I feel. This past weekend was a good example.
This year's Easter weekend was not 'normal' by my routine's standards. The routine is Easter dinner with my family, some time spent with the kids, dinner with the Lundar family and then send them to have some time with their mom to do the Easter bunny thing. This year was different, I was away from my children and my family wasn't having an Easter dinner, so I wouldn't be seeing them either. My Mom is still recovering from her surgery and wasn't ready to entertain. So the plan was to make up the dinner on another date, which was fine, or so I thought. Also a slight oversight on my part created a situation where changing things up with respect to my children was thrown into the mix and I wouldn't be seeing them at all over the weekend. Off to Lundar we went on Friday afternoon and I was disjointed all weekend. Couldn't really relax and felt out of it. I wasn't my normal self. While out in Lundar I usually help out in the kitchen and give the lady of the house a break, which she always appreciates. She has made reference to that effect before. But this weekend was different. I wasn't helpful in the kitchen and I never actually left the house! I usually try and get outside while in Lundar. Such a beautiful piece of land that is such a peaceful place. Nope not his weekend, glued to the inside of the house.
It wasn't until I was home again that I could truly understand how I was feeling. It is funny how, while in the moment, I can't see what is so clearly in front of me. Like most things, the only time you can make a clear and accurate assessment of a situation is once you remove the emotion from the equation. Very difficult to do but absolutely necessary to ensure the decision is based on merit not on emotion. Basically, I missed my family dinner and my children. Both of which is normal, but only because the routine was changed was it magnified. I miss my children any time I don't see them so that wasn't different and I knew the family dinner was still going to happen so that can't be the issue, but the routine DID change and subsequently threw me into a tail spin.
Hopefully I can learn from this and try and see it before it becomes mood changing next time. Routines can be helpful, but they can also be debilitating to the point of holding us back. Don't let routines run your life, I'm going to try and re-evaluate some of my routines and make sure they are helpful routines and not harmful ones. All routines are learned behaviors, we are not born with routines. And most importantly, any behavior we have learned can be unlearned, it is a matter of re-programming our brains. Re-training if you will. So often I hear the phrase "well that is just the way I am", but it really isn't. Bold statement, but true. Think about it. We are sculpted and molded by our experiences in life and the choices we make create routines. As we keep doing something (about 21 days) it becomes habit or routine. Conversely we can undo that learned habit the same way. But the trick is to recognize a routine before it effects our ability to think clearly and has us out of sorts when change occurs. I got caught this past weekend within the emotion of a routine, oops, hopefully I can work towards being less tied to my routines and more connected to my inner self.
Challenge yourself to change some of your routines, it will be strange, but it should be helpful to learn to take life as it comes.
My Two Cents
Jamie
No comments:
Post a Comment