An Equation For Success In Life

Talking with a friend got me to thinking...

My Mom is a pretty amazing woman. The conversation with my friend revolved around the ups and downs of life. It is a fact that everyone drawing a breath in this World has something in their life that isn't quite right or down right sucks. The difference is one's reaction. It is amazing to me how people shun the concepts like the one depicted in movies like "The Secret". The basic premise being about the laws of attraction. If you have a "the World isn't fair" attitude you will attract more of the same to you and subsequently the reverse is true. Think and believe life is positive you will attract others of like mind. That is not to say that nothing bad will happen to the people who believe life is great, however they view bad things as opportunities to learn something. Of course bad things happen to everyone. But again it boils down to attitude. I have said it before but this seems to be an appropriate point in time to say it again.

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." Charles R Swindoll Therefore our attitudes and reactions dictate the severity of life's twist and turns.

Back to my Mom. In the early part of this year our family had a bomb dropped on us. My Mom discovered she had Cancer. Our family was already working through the continued health struggles of my Dad, who is currently awaiting a kidney donor. The Cancer diagnosis was hard to understand. My Mom is a woman who is a model of good health and fitness. She went to the gym regularly, walked (40+ mins) home from work (even in the nastiest of weather) everyday, she ate healthy always choosing the extra helpings of vegetables and fruit, she wasn't overweight by any means, didn't smoke or drink, consumed loads of water and was a positive thinking person. So how does this strong, positive, healthy woman end up with Cancer? She just does. On the surface it is mind boggling. Mom did have some stress and stress can eliminate all of the hard work one does to stay healthy. My Dad's slowly declining health and the increased need for care of his Mom, Grandma, she was overburdened.

Having said all that one would expect this story to be something of a why us, why me and Mom thinking why now? I believe things happen for a reason, there is something to be learned, usually the lesson is easily seen, but other times it really hard to see what the lesson is supposed to be. Here is where the amazing part kicks in. With everything that has happened and battling through surgery, chemo treatments and the general mental burden Cancer can rain down on a person; through it all Mom is a model of positive thinking.

Through this year time and time again Mom and I have spoke about the things in life that are out of our control, referencing specifically our reactions to things that have happened to us. She has been a rock solid pillar of consistency. Once the diagnosis is made there is nothing you can do about Cancer expect give up control to the medical World to do their work. Mom has always tried to remind us that the doctors and nurses are the ones who she has to rely on and we need to support them. She has been praying to God to have Him present to do His work while she is in the hands of the medical staff, as have I. Praying He works through those caring for her; so they can be at the top of their game and able to perform at their highest level. Give up control. Once you give up control you are able to focus on the things in life that are important. Family and friends. Living life, finding the good all the blessings around us. Mom embodies these ideals and I look to her as a reminder that life will throw us curve balls, but it is our duty to stand in there and keep swinging for the fence.

You know, it is interesting how people are so easily sucked in to the vortex that is negative thinking. Yet someone facing the scary World of Cancer, Mom, can wake up each day and remember how good her life is and make that her focus. Even the daunting task of wading through the seemingly endless stream of chemo side effects doesn't get her down. She battles each day. She does as much as she can and then a little more. She walks as often as she can and eats lots of food in differing variety to ensure her body is not overwhelmed by the treatments. This is something she controls, her willingness to NOT sit on the couch and wait for it too pass. Sure there are some pretty rough days, but she battles through with the idea that on the other side is a good day that she can take back control. Resetting her goals with each treatment and each day to ensure her battle is hard fought from start to finish.

I think it is safe to say my Mom is an inspiration to me. She looks for life to hand her roses and when it doesn't...she accepts that, but quickly returns to the place where she expects roses again and moves on. Admirable I think. Mom doesn't worry as much as one would expect her too. I know there are those out there who will quickly pounce on my simplistic analysis saying, "she doesn't show it but she worries" and to that I say...I AGREE! Surprised? Don't be, I am not so naive to think she wanders around oblivious to the reality of her situation, HOWEVER, I believe, correct that, I know she worries a lot less than others around her. She also doesn't put a lot of weight in the usefulness of worrying and I stand up and applaud that. Worry creates stress. Stress sucks. Mom is very good at allowing others to own their own worry without it affecting her. Again admirable and might I say impressive. She often reminds me to allow others to bare their crosses and not carry it for them. Reminding me that THEY have to work through it on their own terms if at all. Insightful.

I think something I've learned and that I wish to impart on you is that when something sad happens, we must remember that OUR life must continue in a forward progression because we can't change events once they have already happened and to remember we CAN change the future, yet the only way to change the future is to move forward. Without forward movement we are standing still will the sands of time continue to fall and life passes us by.

"Attitude keeps me going or cripples my progress. It alone fuels my fire or assaults my hope. When my attitudes are right, there is no barrier too high, no valley too deep, no dream too extreme, no challenge too great for me.” Charles R Swindoll

Be sad, hurt, and feel grief; that is normal. No one would suggest being emotionless. Just avoid the negative connotations associated with sad events, avoid letting the anchor of grief to be attached to your ankle, avoid allowing the 10% (what happened) to become the focus and let the 90% (our reactions/attitude) be the focus. Take on the challenge to find the positive lessons, being negative is easy, but finding a positive purpose takes hard work and dedication to the goal of controlling our reaction. Something can be gained from each and every sad or bad circumstance we experience. Find the positive and let that help you cope with your sadness and be your stepping stone to move on. Learn from the experience and walk away confident you are a stronger more powerful person for the struggle you are working through!

Thank you Mom for your dedication to the goal of living life and finding focus on the good things in life even while facing extreme conditions that would otherwise cripple some. Thanks for being strong and unbending in your request that we not worry about things beyond our control. Also to remember that it is what it is, and that Cancer should not control us. Thank you for being positive and finding ways to work through your battle so that you are a survivor and not a victim. Thank you for being an inspiration to anyone who has the ability to be inspired by someone who works as hard as you do. Thank you for facing your battle with a smile on your face and the determination that your life is not about Cancer it is about so much more. Thank you for allowing others to cope in their own way, but not letting others bring you down when they struggle. Lastly, thanks for being a Mom to me, it has been your outlook during this challenging year that has given me confidence to continue living a positive, happy life. It could have been very easy to get swallowed up by it all, but you provided the support I needed to believe in the way of thinking I use to deal with curve balls life throws at us...we all have to move forward and stay focused on life. We have great lives to live and if we don't live them, who will?

My Two Cents
Jamie