Kids grow up so fast. My goodness. Mini He has just turned 12 and when the hell did that happen?
It was a big year this year. He started Grade 7, which means he left the only school he has ever known for the big bad domain of high school! Although he is only in middle school, his junior high school is housed within a high school, from 7 to 12 he is in the same school, he is on his own in a much bigger World. What a change from having complete input and involvement to being so far removed it is like he is schooling on Mars.
Mini He's mother and I are both working hard and keeping the lines of communication open as much as possible. Mini He is a really good kid. He has a great head on his shoulders. He likes to be crazy, but he understands what is right and what is wrong, we can only hope he sticks to the plan.
I was faced with a HUGE situation this week, stemming from all things new this school year. Mini He is meeting new kids and I don't like it! I know it sounds nuts, but he has known the same group of kids for seven years and I just yesterday got truly comfortable with them! I kid, I have been proud of Mini He's choices regarding friends for a long time. He has a great core group of friends and I know their parents and I couldn't ask for a better group. So what is problem, right?
Well this new boy has joined the fray and it is making me uneasy. I don't know what to do, trust him or string him up. I have been hearing this boy's name over and over for the past couple weeks and it makes me nervous. I haven't met him or his parents, I am out of the loop! Man it is hard. This new kid out of no where was asking to borrow Mini Me's coveted possessions and requiring us us to deliver it! Something in my brain snapped and I could not think straight. In one full swoop I could not get the idea out of my head that this new kid was taking advantage of Mini He's good nature and natural willingness to be a good person. The plan was for him to borrow the item and return it the next day at school. Sounds simple enough, right? I went crazy. The lecture was on (I really need to stop doing that) and he was in full weather the storm mode, firing back his standard response of "I know". It was horrible, I was horrible. Poor kid, both of them, were in my cross hairs. The feeling of complete loss of control was overwhelming. I needed to regain control over his life in some way. Very, very sad.
In the end I was very wrong for losing my mind. Two days later (on his birthday) I was blessed with the opportunity to spend some unscheduled time with Mini He on a trip to the doctor's office. I took this time to apologize for my over reaction and to tell him I was sorry. You see, I think he can learn that although at times one may over react, it is very important to recognize mistakes and admit to them. I explained how I had not been fair to the boy and I also wasn't fair to him either. I expressed my sincere admission to being a little too protective. I tried to have him fully understand that I need to trust him more. Trust that everything we have tried to teach him as he grew up, he would continue to lean on. Trust that he would continue to be a good kid, be a leader in bringing new kids into his circle of friends and the whole time being sure to protect himself and the person he wants to be known as. I seems like such a large amount of responsibility for a 12 year old, but he is suddenly on his own for more than eight hours a day now. He has to get to class on time, he has to work hard in school and he has to co-exist in a school of hundreds all by himself. Scary stuff for both him and his parents. I, along with other adult influences in his life, have worked hard at trying to teach him how to be a good person and at some point we were going to have to allow our teachings be his guide, thus letting go.
As a parent you can never really know when that day will come; the only thing that we can do is continue to prepare them for the big day. Mini He's progress to independence began long ago, but this new year in Grade 7 sure has been a rude awakening. After my conversation with Mini He on his birthday I feel we both learned something. I believe he understands that I love him (I do tell him that frequently) and only worry about him because of that love. Surprisingly I think he understands it in spite of my crazy ways! He knows I want him to be safe, happy and experiencing life. I am very proud of this young man, he has made good decisions thus far. I don't really see any reason for him to stray from his current path; mostly because he knows I will be monitoring his path fairly closely. I don't think that is a bad thing. Kids respond to EXACTLY the level you give them. If they are given a little room to make mistakes and learn; that is exactly what they do. If they are bubble wrapped and never aloud to experience the pitfalls and joys of making decisions then they always need your help and letting them grow up is much more difficult for both parties.
No one ever said being parent and raising children would be easy. And anyone who thinks it is has never had kids of their own. It just isn't the same if your blood isn't flowing through their veins.
My Two Cents
Jamie
It was a big year this year. He started Grade 7, which means he left the only school he has ever known for the big bad domain of high school! Although he is only in middle school, his junior high school is housed within a high school, from 7 to 12 he is in the same school, he is on his own in a much bigger World. What a change from having complete input and involvement to being so far removed it is like he is schooling on Mars.
Mini He's mother and I are both working hard and keeping the lines of communication open as much as possible. Mini He is a really good kid. He has a great head on his shoulders. He likes to be crazy, but he understands what is right and what is wrong, we can only hope he sticks to the plan.
I was faced with a HUGE situation this week, stemming from all things new this school year. Mini He is meeting new kids and I don't like it! I know it sounds nuts, but he has known the same group of kids for seven years and I just yesterday got truly comfortable with them! I kid, I have been proud of Mini He's choices regarding friends for a long time. He has a great core group of friends and I know their parents and I couldn't ask for a better group. So what is problem, right?
Well this new boy has joined the fray and it is making me uneasy. I don't know what to do, trust him or string him up. I have been hearing this boy's name over and over for the past couple weeks and it makes me nervous. I haven't met him or his parents, I am out of the loop! Man it is hard. This new kid out of no where was asking to borrow Mini Me's coveted possessions and requiring us us to deliver it! Something in my brain snapped and I could not think straight. In one full swoop I could not get the idea out of my head that this new kid was taking advantage of Mini He's good nature and natural willingness to be a good person. The plan was for him to borrow the item and return it the next day at school. Sounds simple enough, right? I went crazy. The lecture was on (I really need to stop doing that) and he was in full weather the storm mode, firing back his standard response of "I know". It was horrible, I was horrible. Poor kid, both of them, were in my cross hairs. The feeling of complete loss of control was overwhelming. I needed to regain control over his life in some way. Very, very sad.
In the end I was very wrong for losing my mind. Two days later (on his birthday) I was blessed with the opportunity to spend some unscheduled time with Mini He on a trip to the doctor's office. I took this time to apologize for my over reaction and to tell him I was sorry. You see, I think he can learn that although at times one may over react, it is very important to recognize mistakes and admit to them. I explained how I had not been fair to the boy and I also wasn't fair to him either. I expressed my sincere admission to being a little too protective. I tried to have him fully understand that I need to trust him more. Trust that everything we have tried to teach him as he grew up, he would continue to lean on. Trust that he would continue to be a good kid, be a leader in bringing new kids into his circle of friends and the whole time being sure to protect himself and the person he wants to be known as. I seems like such a large amount of responsibility for a 12 year old, but he is suddenly on his own for more than eight hours a day now. He has to get to class on time, he has to work hard in school and he has to co-exist in a school of hundreds all by himself. Scary stuff for both him and his parents. I, along with other adult influences in his life, have worked hard at trying to teach him how to be a good person and at some point we were going to have to allow our teachings be his guide, thus letting go.
As a parent you can never really know when that day will come; the only thing that we can do is continue to prepare them for the big day. Mini He's progress to independence began long ago, but this new year in Grade 7 sure has been a rude awakening. After my conversation with Mini He on his birthday I feel we both learned something. I believe he understands that I love him (I do tell him that frequently) and only worry about him because of that love. Surprisingly I think he understands it in spite of my crazy ways! He knows I want him to be safe, happy and experiencing life. I am very proud of this young man, he has made good decisions thus far. I don't really see any reason for him to stray from his current path; mostly because he knows I will be monitoring his path fairly closely. I don't think that is a bad thing. Kids respond to EXACTLY the level you give them. If they are given a little room to make mistakes and learn; that is exactly what they do. If they are bubble wrapped and never aloud to experience the pitfalls and joys of making decisions then they always need your help and letting them grow up is much more difficult for both parties.
No one ever said being parent and raising children would be easy. And anyone who thinks it is has never had kids of their own. It just isn't the same if your blood isn't flowing through their veins.
My Two Cents
Jamie
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