There comes a time, seemingly annually now, when I feel forced to question my worth in life. I know I shouldn't but certain events always put me in a precarious spot. I believe I make a serious effort to be a good person, perhaps too good. What I mean by that is; I consistently try to accommodate everyone (except those seeking PC help). The problem is, from time to time, World's collide and I am only one man and cannot be everything to everyone and additionally not everywhere at the same time. Its intresting how people don't pick up on this. People and events get missed, mostly due to lack of planning and advance notice on the event planner's part. Does it suck, yes, sure it does, but doesn't life go on?
But why is everything hinging on my appearance? Or at least made to seem that way? Why is the entire success and everyone's chance at a good time resting on my shoulders? Am I that important? I hope not!
I find myself feeling a great deal of pressure at these times. If I am not available the event will be ruined! Which is absolute nonsense Not allowing myself to be effected by this is something I need to continue working on for my own mental health. But the fact remains; if I respond that I am unavailable due to other plans and this causes the wheels of that party bus to come off, something is wrong. Am I right?
I cannot and quite frankly will not believe that the success of the event and everyone's happiness hinges on my attendance! Seriously?! Its just not possible. Nor do I want it to be. I know I'm not that important! That isn't a negative statement either, I just don't believe I can wield so much power over others state of mind. So why then, do comments and ill feelings projected towards me lend to the very notion that I wield this unwanted burden?
I will boldly suggest that the problem lies on the otherside of the equation. I have written before about ownership of problems and the path to less stress is to assign proper ownership of issues. Only own your issues and ensure others own theirs. I think the time is fast approaching that my last unconquered frontier is dealt a harsh taste of reality. I cannot have ANY effect on the happiness (or disappointment) of others unless THEY CHOOSE to have my actions effect their happiness. They will have to own their unhappiness and NOT project it back on to me or others around them. Their choice to be unhappy or disappointed is an emotion they own and must deal with it appropriately. Least of which is trying to pawn the emotion off on someone else rather than feel it themselves and process it.
Delve in to the feelings and realize no hurtful intentions exist and therefore a logical response would be to let it go and enjoy life and its glorious splendor. View the event as a missed opportunity for those not in attendance and a great time for those there. Its counter productive to constantly look at life based on what you don't have.
I cannot continue to allow others to assign their unresolved issues to me. Thus, projecting their feelings on to me, in an attempt to have me be the problem, to attempt to make me in to a bad guy.
I truly feel I am doing a good job of taking care of my responsibilities in my life AND living within the choices that have brought me to where I am today. I don't make excuses for my life choices nor do I expect anyone else to. I choose to find happiness in the choices, even the really, really tough ones. Are mistakes made absolutely, but moving forward is the only option. Moving back is impossible.
My Two Cents
Jamie
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network
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