Impact of a Feather

It's Thursday. The day is dragging along at the usual snail's pace. Clickety clack is the predominant sound filling the air as my crime fighting (and by crime fighting I mean ridding the World of annoying Computer problems) co-workers type away on their keyboards. I presume typing about work…just like I am! Oh the funny I spew forth!

A week or so ago everything seemed to be moving along nicely until a speed bump seems to have sent me off the rail. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch. Seems simple enough and relatively harmless. He canceled on me, which in of itself isn't a big deal. I know he is busy and this is fairly normal for him. I've come to expect it more than be surprised by it.
But, here in lies the rub. What impact am I having on people in my life? I tried to limit the drama to slightly below queen status, however, I simply could not ignore the facts. Time and time again I am being passed over for other events, people, or whatever better offer is looming on the horizon. Either I am a terrible person that nobody wants to spend time with or my loyalty and friendship is being taken for granted. I have to believe it is the second option; mostly because I know I am not a terrible person and quite frankly I am a good person, with integrity. So what gives? Is it that they are so comfortable with knowing I'm in their corner that little effort is required to maintain that bond? I guess the problem is, they are right. Loyal to a fault.
It may seem like one simple lunch, but it is hundreds of lunches, movies, parties or whatever I've invited people to in the past. It is just getting more and more difficult to find someone to say yes to a cup of coffee! I hear the same thing universally from people; "Ya, we should get together! It would be fun!" or "We should do this more often" or "Call anytime and we'll set something up". But unless I call, I swear I would never hear from them again. So again I ask what is my impact on people. My impact must be so powerful that I must maintain consistent week to week contact with someone or I would never hear from them again?? My impact is in fact, non-existent. Apparently I make a lot of noise, but nobody is listening.It's truly amazing, if I make noise and stay on the radar nobody hears me, but if I go quiet everyone sits up and says what's wrong with Jamie and where did he go? Which would lead me to believe that as long as I am appearing okay everyone will simply go about their business and get to me when they have time. Here's an interesting piece of information…..if you don't make time for people (yourself included) before you know it years have pasted and you wish you had them back,
Here's a news flash. I'm not fine! Unless of course you mean Frazzled Insecure Neurotic and Emotional, then fine I am. No worries though, I got it, I'm managing to work through it on my own. No need to squeeze me in to your busy schedule. Please don't misunderstand I'm not angry, I just have taken inventory and understand a few things more clearly, which of course should help resolve some of the lingering skeletons in the closet. My loyalty and integrity have not wavered. I feel very strongly about who my friends are. Rest assured I'm not going anywhere and when you have time, however long in to the future that may be, I will be in the same place you last saw me…..by your side.

My Two Cents
Jamie

Failure = Success??

Ever tried something you thought you would be really good at failed miserably? I know I have. It is amazing how hard we can be on ourselves when this happens. The expectations were high, although there was nothing supporting the notion that we could do it, but we believed! Then upon coming to the shocking conclusion that we aren't truly living up to the vision of grace and excellence we came to understand; we crash hard like a kid about an hour after his pixie stix buzz wears off. Why do we set ourselves up to fail? Because it is essential to actually achieving any level of success. Failure breeds success.
I read this Michael Jordan quote that got me to thinking. All natural talent and amazing skills aside, MJ only reached his level of success by experiencing a lot of failure.

“I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

I found it to be a powerful statement on success. Without failure, at least some small ones, we can never actually achieve true success. Each failure teaches you something and provides and opportunity to improve. Embracing failures empowers us to learn and ultimately achieve success. The challenge is to accept failure as a tool and not a terrible event. A tool used to define the growth of a successful person.
Let's back up a little, only to reflect on the word failure. The word failure seems so finite and harsh. However, by definition the word failure isn't as abrupt.

1.	an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success

2.	nonperformance of something due, required, or expected

3.	a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency

Words in the definition include; instance, nonperformance, an act. These action words break down the concept of failure to something much smaller, rather than the big picture feeling the word failure can evoke.
That's why I say failure is a useful tool. It marks a moment in time where I have a specific opportunity to learn something important. Of course, this is providing I am capable of looking inward to cease the opportunity instead of looking for others to blame or other excuses. This concept brings me to an import lesson. One I am learning as you read this. I have recently been struggling with my healthier lifestyle choices. Emotionally tough times have become a source of weakness and I am not defending myself very well.
Let's be clear, I haven't gained a pile of weight or anything. Surprisingly I am still maintaining, goes to show what a little exercise can do for maintenance! Any way, enough stalling. I believe lately my worries about my job and a shift in my parenting role (new teenager and daughter needing mom more than dad at this time) has actually caused some problems for me. I think I am feeling un-needed in some way. Sadly I have turned to food to console me, well really only one day in particular. Like an earthquake there have been some subtle aftershocks, but only one big shake up. It's a problem though, one I thought I had put behind me. However, I am here now to tell you this isn't a big deal (upon review of the event and subsequent detailed analysis).
I struggled for days with how I was dealing with this. I had a day of ridiculous food choices, all in the name of comfort. In my head, I pleaded with the food; Food make me feel better, please. I think the worst and most scary part of that day was the complete loss of control. I heard the rational voices in my head reminding me of the healthy choices I could eat, but it was almost like my rational voice had absolutely no effect on the actions of my body. Upon reflection, I truly felt scared by the events of that morning, how could I ignore the simple healthy choices?
As I made my way through that Saturday I seemed to regain my composure, slowly making my way back to sanity. In the past this type of eating would consume days and weeks; only to plant a small seed of habit to my eating practices. Over time those small little habits compounded one another and lead to my unhealthy weight. This time seemed different, a positive I need to focus on.
By Monday I was back to my exercise plans and re-focused on healthier food choices again. As a side note, I did not drop any of my exercise requirements, it was only my food/fuel choices that were effected by the break down. That was a couple weeks ago and I am looking back on my failure with an open mind. I am trying to find the lesson to be learned, perhaps a road map to avoid the pitfall when it happens again. Let's not kid ourselves here, this is a life long battle, one that will consist of shining, glorious moments of triumph and moments of unfortunate feelings of failure. Those who have never struggled with their weight don't truly understand and I don't expect them too. One lesson I learned for sure is the idea that mistakes are a part of the journey to a healthier life overall. I also realized something super important Sunday morning......I didn't gain 80 lbs due to my unfortunate set back!! That's right folks, as frustrating as it can be to suffer a set back, it DOES NOT set us back to the start! Take it on face value, a minor set back. The key was to review what led up to the break down and determine what can be done to get in front of the problem before it becomes the same minor set back.
For me, it definitely would involve talking to someone. I have an incredible person in my life who is understanding and patient. I need to trust in her support. It will be hard, no doubt, because the embarrassment of feeling powerless to stop myself from eating junk as a meal is overwhelming. But that is my tentative plan when I begin to feel powerless and seek the comfort of food next time. She won't be harsh or degrading, she will just talk me through it and be available to help.
The bottom line here is simply this; don't let failures monopolize your thoughts. Focus on the successes and get back on track ASAP. The very next day is ideal. If its food for you, get back to the healthy food choices like nothing happened. If you skipped the gym a few too many times, when you had no good reasons to do so, get back there at your next chance (same goes for home exercising). Don't head back (restart a home program) thinking you have to work harder to eliminate the recent failure because you cannot eliminate the failure. You can only move on from where you currently are. The focus has to be on what you are doing moving forward, not how can I erase what happened. Sadly we don't have any of those fancy devices the Men In Black have in the movie, that with the click of a button we forget the last few hours. That would be SWEET, but alas we have to file the experience under "Let's not do that again!" Moving on would be so much easier with mind wipe tool, don't ya think! Anyway.......
Thanks for allowing me to expose a low point my life. It seems the writing almost always focuses on the success and leaves some feeling like I am no longer struggling or experiencing any sort of failures. I fail, but I learn, therefore success is found within every failure.

So remember, as I tell myself first, I can't expect to never fail. Failure is an opportunity to learn and moving forward is my only option. If I never fail, quite frankly, I'm not making enough attempts at being a success!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Recession Proof?

Well, about a week ago I was laid off. Although I understood the possibility was there working for a Canadian manufacturing company, I still didn't see it coming.
It seems to have set in this morning. I should have been busting out this blog when I had the chance. Hind sight always 20/20.
It has been a hurricane of emotions, not too worried to what the hell am I going to do. Not that I worried about finding employment, mostly trying to figure out what the heck I want to do.
The Information Technology (I.T.) industry was cool, but I am not sure it is for me. I haven't written it off, but I definitely need a much bigger challenge than I had. For me I need opportunity to be creative and to think outside the box. I am a proactive thinker always striving for a better way to do things. Sometimes there isn't that is cool too. But if there is a better way I will find it, given enough time.
For now I will try to bring some life back to my blog, re-read some of the blog building research I have and see what comes of it.
Today I cast out the lines and see what type of fish are biting. When one door closes many more always open, the trick is to be alert and notice them.

My Two Cents

Breaking Down Walls With Gusto!

I was a very different man once upon a time. I built some very high walls around myself during some very low times in my life. MANY tried to break them down, many fought to bring them down. I wanted everyone to tear them down, I was to afraid to help them. The walls remained. I asked myself why me, struggled to understand why I was so trapped. It wasn't until I realized NO ONE could tear the walls down for me that things began to happen. They were my walls and only I knew where the weak points were. I had to do all the hard work, while everyone watched and supported me. Sadly I kept the walls up so long that the man that emerged wasn't the same. Not as fun, not as full of life, not as willing to be himself. I now struggle everyday trying to reclaim the man that built the walls, which means there is still one wall left. I forget it is there, because it is behind me. I remember it, conveniently, just in time to hide behind it when I get scared to expose my emotions (aside from frustration) or to be myself. It is a wall that only I can remove and I am still working on it.
Once upon a time I was a crazy guy with no off switch. Not necessarily a good thing all the time, but most of the time it was good. Once I emerged from the ruble of the broken down walls a timid, shy and guarded man stood in the wake. I see the wonder in my children's eyes when I just let down the guard for a second. That is the man they want to see and know. Why is it so hard to be free? Man that wall is high! Perhaps I should have went in to the concrete business...my walls are indestructible. It is that final wall that holds back a portion of my life. The frustrating part of that is how obvious it is to me and yet, I can't remember where I worked in the emergency self destruct button to bring the wall crumbling down. Maybe there isn't one? Maybe I never expected to knock this over? I have been chipping away at the wall brick by brick. Hopefully I haven't missed everything by the time it is down.
Funny thought. I used to act in school. There I am...up in front of the school, exposed for everyone to see.....loving it. Today I find myself paralyzed to do anything remotely emotionally exposing even in a small group. Even around people who love me. People who will enjoy the fun of it. Some who have never seen this side of me and others who remember it like a deceased family member. Simple games where by you need to let loose your shyness and be goofy, fearfully proclaim "I'M OUT"! I give in. I am scared. Scared to be exposed. Scared to have someone see me enjoying myself....even I can't explain it. Sad.
During a recent board game with close friends; I was required to tell an embarrassing story about my childhood or pay a penalty (relax...it was only moving back a couple squares). I paid the penalty. My immediate and only thought was please don't make fun of me. Once upon a time I would have jumped on the chance to be the comedic butt of the joke. But, "Take the penalty", fear said. Fear won. A few rounds later I was required to say something complimentary about myself and then those around the table would do the same until someone repeated something others said or couldn't come up with one. WHAT?! I was petrified and fear froze my brain and I wasn't able to compliment myself. "What no one agrees with my compliment, what if I think I am something I am not, what if, what if, what if. Am I that uncomplimentary? I hope not. The timer was running out. Fear shouts, "Pay the penalty or face the next person in turn not being able to think of something! That will hurt!" I paid the penalty. Thankfully a friend was willing to point out my oversights. He mentioned some compliments I could have used. Thanks. I needed that. Unfortunately fear won again.
Since writing the above post awhile back I have come to re-visit some drafts and stumbled on this one. I needed to get that off my mind at the time, it weighed heavy; but I never could decide if I should post it. I think it is important for people to know that someone who can appear in control all the time, really is quite normal and has fears too. Many times I have caught people off guard by saying I am shy and sometimes insecure. I guess I hide it very well and portray an illusion of confidence. I am confident to a point and about certain things, but others not so much. Also since writing the above, I have broken down additional parts of that final wall. I am becoming more free and willing to be an openly fun guy who is a little goofy. Let's face it, I am a goofball and love to be the go to guy for laughs and entertainment. I know I have more work to do and slowly, but surely, the Jamie I once knew is on his way back to the forefront. It will be interesting to see how some react, mostly those who did not know the original version of me, friends I have made in the last 5 to 10 years. They are more familiar with the closed off version, that is very guarded. Look out people the show is back on!

I hope this is not a mistake by exposing myself to this degree. This post is a huge window into my insecurities. SCARY! Fear is screaming at me right now, but I am saying "Not this time my friend, not this time"

My Two Cents
Jamie

A Lifestyle For a Lifetime

I have spent a great deal of time thinking about health and wellness for the last number of years; more acutely in the last six months. Considering my own adoption of a healthier way of life it has lead me to understand a few things about goal setting a lot more clearly. Due to my lifestyle changes, which include exercise, I have lost more than 45 pounds and apparently that is a lot. Really? I didn't notice. But why I didn't notice is the intriguing part of this whole thing. Let me explain.

For starters we don't have a scale at home so monitoring my weight isn't possible. Which leads right into the main point...why would watching my weight be my goal? Aren't goals supposed to be something that can be reset continuously to achieve long term success? Of course they are.

Improper goal setting is a huge oversight. Goals set incorrectly only set you up to fail. The goal should not be weight loss, it should be a healthy lifestyle, because the bonus side effect of a healthy lifestyle is your body's natural order of things reducing your weight. Essentially the side effect of your goal is weight loss, but it is not your goal. Without a healthy lifestyle our bodies are in constant defense mode, trying to figure out whether we are living or dying. With all the crap we stuff into it and in the excessive quantities we consume food; combined with the complete lack of any discernible exercise to speak of; the body does what it thinks is necessary to keep us alive. Unfortunately with so many poor signals from us on the outside the inside eventually ends up killing us anyway. By producing a healthy, ALIVE environment through proper eating habits and exercise your body will respond accordingly. Know this...exercise is simply achieved with the elevation of your heart rate for about 30 minutes cumulatively a day; three to four times a week. Not six, two hour sessions at the gym a week. We ALL have 30 minutes cumulatively in a day to dedicate to our health.

Being healthy is a lifestyle for a lifetime. Making your goal to lose weight is like putting a band-aid on a gun shot wound, it won't work. Becoming healthy will not only heal your ailing body it will also shed weight. It is about setting goals that create desired side effects not goals that are the side effects. Here is the kicker! A BONUS side effect of being a healthier person is losing some unwanted weight.

I think if the goal is to "lose weight" people are doomed to fail. Because all the work they do is designed to lose weight.

Consider this...If the goal is weight loss then once you achieve your goal what is the next step? The goal is now accomplished and how do you reset the goal of losing weight if you have already lost your goal weight? You can't continuously make losing weight your goal. Worse case; once the weight is off you stop doing the things you were doing to lose weight and gain all the weight back and then some! If the changes made to lose weight are not something you can consider a lifestyle change then you will not be able to sustain the diet indefinitely. That is why diets don't work. Your miracle diet has you jump through all the hoops, take all the pills, drink all the shakes and commit to doing everything EXCEPT taking the time to get in tune with your body and letting it manage itself. For what? You lose 80 pounds in two months and you are "cured"!! So you stop taking the pills, stop drinking the shakes and stop jumping through the hoops and surprise, surprise the weight comes back.

Weight loss can be fickle too. The natural plateaus of weight loss can be a killer to the motivation and cause disappointment. If the results aren't there each time your feet hit the scale it is tough. If the goal is a healthier lifestyle then that goal is ongoing and you are never truly finished. You can then continue to refocus your sites when you are feeling bored or unmotivated. Remembering your goal is health makes it easier to kick yourself back into to high gear.

Being healthy has benefits that can been seen everyday, all the time. So, if the goal is overall health, including weight loss/management, it creates a healthier body and allows the body to do it's miraculous work with more ease. Starting with exercise producing better blood flow, which benefits the body from head to toe. Increased blood flow from exercise aids in reducing the risks of a boat load of cancers; not to mention making you feel good. Your brain is healthier with increased blood flow causing you to be more alert and thinking more clearly. Happiness is much easier when we can think clearly.

I like the cartoon at the start of this blog. It speaks directly to all those out there who "don't have time" to exercise. The "inconvenience" of a commitment to exercise and your health is minor when compared to the time commitments of death. Your health HAS to be a priority. If not now, when? When you are retired? Hopefully you make it there without falling apart or worse dying.

Time to pencil in exercise and self awareness into that busy schedule of yours. Considering tomorrow never actually arrives putting your health off until then is not a good plan.

My Two Cents
Jamie

Rules To Live By; Forces You To Stop And Think

In my reading I came across this intriguing list of "rules" for life as a human being. If you do not consider yourself human you can excuse yourself from reading further. I found myself reading one rule and pausing to think about the rule in depth. To say the least it was thought provoking, if not the cold hard truth.

I tried to label some of the rules as having more impact then the others, but I couldn't. They are all so very true. Number seven did stop me dead in my tracks and had me re-evaluating a number of things. It is a strong and bold statement. It requires a great deal of thought to see how it is true, but slowly I have come to understand.

These rules will be placed on my refrigerator for all to see. Hopefully someone sees some worth and changes something for the better. Here is the list:


Life and Business Coach, Cherie Carter-Scott (author of "If Success is a Game, These are the Rules") came up with these "Ten Rules for Being Human".

1. You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it's yours to keep for the entire period.

2. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called, "life."

3. There are no mistakes, only lessons. Growth is a process of trial, error, and experimentation. The "failed" experiments are as much a part of the process as the experiments that ultimately "work."

4. Lessons are repeated until they are learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it. When you have learned it, you can go on to the next lesson.

5. Learning lessons does not end. There's no part of life that doesn't contain its lessons. If you're alive, that means there are still lessons to be learned.

6. "There" is no better a place than "here." When your "there" has become a "here", you will simply obtain another "there" that will again look better than "here."

7. Other people are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects to you something you love or hate about yourself.

8. What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. The choice is yours.

9. Your answers lie within you. The answers to life's questions lie within you. All you need to do is look, listen, and trust.

10. You will forget all this.

As you can see; some serious stuff. I don't suggest picking and choosing rules. I would suggest a long serious discussion with yourself to evaluate each point individually to ensure honest answers are achieved.

Good thought provoking list.

My Two Cents (or one cent and the other is stolen)

Jamie Cinq-Mars

Victory Found In A Sea of Temptation

The annual roaming fair kicked off here in Winnipeg this past Friday. Along with the great rides, the fair also came with the intoxicating smells, the dazzling sights, the familiar sounds, the crazy carnies and of course the food, oh the food. My recent efforts to live a healthier lifestyle were going to be put to a very major test. In years past I have not be good at resisting the allure of the carnival food and it's flashy ads and overwhelming scents. Once to the extreme of creating a serious and painful medical condition at the young age of 20. So this year I had my work cut out for me...or did I?

For the past 23 years I have worked/volunteered at the fair raising money for charity with the Knights of Columbus. The fair usually marks and unofficial start to summer fun in Winnipeg. I arrived opening night, Friday, to many familiar sights and sounds and I did my usual tour of the grounds before my shift started and I was surrounded by the regular carnival excitement. I began to look at the food I have come to love way too much (do we see the problem with that sentence, "love" food, not a good idea). But I had a much different process going on my head this year. I was taken by surprise. I was wondering what type of oil they used, were there trans fats, how much salt, and do they have as many calories as I think they do?

I was finding I wasn't overwhelmed by the tasty treats, I wasn't rationalizing why I need to try one of everything and I wasn't planning my week based on when I would eat what! I found myself a little uneasy with all the poor choices people have. I have worked hard to make lifestyle changes which included a major over haul of how I think about food. It appears to have actually made an impact on my approach to eating at the carnival or should I say NOT eating at the carnival. At a place where the temptation is high and many emotions are tied to the big exhibition. I was feeling a break through coming on!

Then I came across a sight to behold, I didn't think the wide variety of terrible food choices could get any worse. With very few choices to maintain a grip on healthy eating I stumble across this abomination. Deep fried Oreos!! I kid you not; they take an Oreo cookie dunk it in batter and then deep fry the little critter! Are you kidding me? The all mighty dollar strikes again. Screw the health of North America let's deep fry some cookies! UGH! The employees in their fake straw hats proudly displaying the Oreo logo. Since the logo is so widely known it draws your attention. Oh the humanity!

Further on down the way we find Pizza on a stick. Yup, some marketing guru thought they should take a calzone and jam a stick up it's (BLEEP) and serve it. Naturally this guru was right, people will eat anything if you stab it with a stick and/or deep fry it! Take the carnival staple; the Corn Dog. A heart stopping hot dog with a stick in it, battered and deep fried. Basically, with pizza on a stick you get yourself a whole pizza to eat and conveniently it can be carried around on a stick like a Popsicle. Wanna lick? Doesn't anyone understand that they are eating enough food for three people? Just wait, what was that...I think I heard some arteries crying out in pain. Society is making us fat is an understatement with the out of control serving sizes people are given to cram into their over stretched stomachs.

Last night (night 3 of the fair) I was on a break and out for a walk around the grounds, when I began feeling I was hungry. I tried to decide what I wanted to eat and discovered one good thing has come from my unwillingness to eat garbage for the sake of eating garbage and that is the extra walking I am getting in during the evening. As I was saying, I was looking for something to eat. I just could not find my way through the signs proclaiming the awesome goodness of "FRIED DOUGH" and "MONSTER DOGS". I decided popcorn was the only viable option; not great but manageable. As I came to my decision I found myself being amazed at the fact they advertise a sweet treat as fried dough, with no thoughts of calling it something fancy to entice more buyers. Nope! Straight up, here it is, fried dough people, COME AND GET IT!

Another amazing thing occurred to me...I have turned a corner. I was not consumed by the atmosphere of the Exhibition; my brain spoke to me with logic. The education of how the body manages food has empowered me to live within a sea of temptation and not give in to the emotion of the moment. My choices about food were being made with clarity and devoid of emotion unlike so many times in the past. I know what I have done in the past few month is something special, I believe it can work for anyone. However, I realize just because it worked for me it may not work exactly the same way for another, BUT I would like to think that my successes would inspire others to believe they too can do it.

Now I have worked on a list of things to change for the rest of the week during the fair. Bring my own food, walk the whole circuit twice each night I work and be proud of what I have accomplished thus far, knowing full well that more work is needed. We all need to continue growing, we have to be constantly looking for ways to improve on who we are. Sometimes baby steps are all we can manage, but baby steps will get you closer to your goals A LOT faster than waiting until all the planets are aligned to take action. Baby steps are forward motion whereas no steps are stagnation.

Take some time to review your action plan and be sure to ACT on the plan you have. I believe everyone who wants something can achieve with some work and determination. Get to work!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Trying To Make a Difference

Sometimes I wonder what it takes to make a difference? I see potential in people they don't see in themselves and I want to help them see it too. I am passionate about helping people. I don't mean helping them move or fix a leaky faucet; I am talking about core level help. Helping people to look within for strength rather than to everyone else or something material. Strength comes from us and we have to believe it does. Within each and every one of us is a great person who has all the tools to make a difference in the World. Problem being, most of us have had those tools locked in storage and forget how to use them. We are capable of anything our greatest supporter believes we can accomplish. Surround yourself with great supporters and you will accomplish more than you can currently imagine. I can clearly envision myself speaking to hundreds of people offering a different take on what was all call life. I understand that not everyone will understand my way of thinking, but if just one person 'hears' me and changes their life for the better I will be accomplishing a goal. This different ideal I would venture to say is a much more old school view; one that returns us to pre-societal pressure. A time when believing in our own potential for greatness wasn't a scoffed at. A time when exercising our right to make choices for ourselves wasn't selfish. A challenge I am facing is the disbelief that it can be as simple as it sounds. The reality is it isn't simple at all. It is hard work that takes dedication to your beliefs and the willingness to ignore what others think about you. It isn't simple because we are must live in the World and society dictates how we think. The World of big money and big industry has programmed us over many years to think a certain way. If you don't agree stop reading, you are already lost to the juggernaut that is World marketing.

One other challenge is the truth hurts. So many people are not willing to listen past the first pang of hurt in the words they hear or read. This effectively eliminates their ability to grow. I am becoming less and less concerned about the hurt feelings I may produce with my words. Sounds mean, I know, but I believe I am speaking the truth. Which means the hurt feelings are not coming from my words, but they are coming from the receiving party's inability to accept the truth. If I’m able to offend someone so easily, to me that means they already recognize some truth in what I’ve written or said, but they aren’t ready to deal with it consciously yet. Certain realities are are hard to deal with, especially those close to the heart, I return you to the concept of not allowing emotion to dictate what is best for us. A lot of times the impact of such things is very hard to see or at the very least admit when you are submersed within them. It will often take an outside view to truly see what the root of the problems are.

I struggle with not wanting to upset anyone, however, that is quickly waning. I need to live my life within my own beliefs and not be afraid to express it. I lead a good life, I try and make sound choices that are for the good of my life moving forward. In the process I hope to be enhancing the lives of people around me too. I need to understand their will be casualties along the way, why? Because people are not going agree with everything I have to say, most of whom, will qualify in the "not ready to deal with it consciously yet" group, but so be it.

I have untied the gloves and they are close to coming off. If I am to realize my passion for helping as many people as possible I will need to allow the fire to burn a little hotter and wilder than I have thus far. It's time to make a move.

My Two Cents

Jamie

For The Health Of It

I am happy to announce I have finally got something through my thick head! Exercise completes the puzzle.

I spent the better part of the last two years making some serious lifestyle changes regarding my eating habits. The goal was to be healthier overall and improve my ability to be a positive role model for the two sets of VERY BIG eyes that are always watching. It is like living in the movie Lord of the Rings, the eye is always watching, except I have 4 four eyes watching. For the most part the major changes included eliminating unnecessary calories, nothing drastic, just obvious empty calories. Over time it became easier, but I never really looked at portions or listened to my body very well. I felt healthier, but my weight never changed, so I was frustrated.

It wasn't until a few months ago that I finally took the plunge and started exercising at least three times a week. I always rested on my once a week hockey as my exercise, but once a week isn't enough. For a year I thought about more exercise and always had a reason I couldn't do more, be it not enough time or money or energy or whatever. Excuses are crippling to progress. Finally I dove in and the first week was hard. I felt terrible, like ten miles of bad road! During the work out, after the work out, day after the work out, my goodness, who knew exercising, was such hard work!! But of course, I turned a corner in the third week and then I felt great; better than in a long time.

My body has been changing over the last few months and it is now becoming noticeable to others around me. I get asked all the time "have you lost weight", "you are looking good" and of course "what did you do?" I think most people are looking for some miracle answer like a special diet of rocks and twigs or a wonder drug that instantly melts fat away. But, honestly it is nothing more than changing my attitude about food and exercise. The exercise I added a few months ago and eating habits has been a long process, which I tweaked again when I added the exercise. I try to always think of food as fuel for my body and I only eat when I am hungry and stop when I am full; sometimes that means leaving food on my plate. If I am leaving food behind, it means I need to be better at how much I put on my plate. This hasn't meant depriving myself of food, on the contrary. I love food and can eat loads, but I have to listen to my body, it won't ask for more than it can use. It has been a learning curve and certainly not one that has been simple. I guess it was a retraining of the brain. Learning to let my body, NOT my emotions, decide when and how much I eat. Just so you know, boredom is an emotion; who knew?! I have eaten everything from pizza to ice cream to french fries and even fast food. I have lost about 30 lbs in three months. But it isn't about the weight for me, being healthy is way more important; giving my body the best possible shot at working properly. I still have more work to do, but it is a process that involves a change in my lifestyle.

I have done an enormous amount of reading over the last six months which has led me down the course I am on. I am starting to compile some of source material and in the weeks/months to come I will slowly add the links to my blog. Perhaps something in those pages will inspire someone to take back control of their health.

I say, don't make your goal to lose weight; make your goal to be healthier. I say, don't make your goal to eat less; make your goal to stop when you are full. I say, don't make your goal to join a gym for exercise, I say make your goal to simply get more exercise (walking is exercise too). Get active and think healthier and the weight and portion sizing comes as a side effect of healthier living. As I have written before, if you don't enjoy the lifestyle you live while you are "losing weight" then you will not stick to it. Instead make lifestyle changes that you enjoy and won't want to give up, this way you are healthier long term and the side effect will be losing weight.

Make YOUR health your #1 priority above all else.

My Two Cents

Jamie

Happy Trails

I just returned from a walk, nice day, but I got to thinking about the happiness blog I wrote yesterday. I mentioned I believe I had the ability to be cut loose happy about stuff at one point. I have proof!

I noticed when I am watching a hockey game I get submersed in the game and become emotionally tied to every movement on the ice. Usually I am hoping one team over the other wins so the mood can be intense. Every time the puck crosses either blue I inch closer to the precipice of my seat, commonly referred to as the 'edge'. And if the right team scores I explode out of my seat, pump fists and scream out YES! I don't have any regard for what others might think or whether they are alarmed by my sudden movements, but in that moment I am happy.

So I know it is there. Similarly when I am playing hockey (I play goal) which means when our team is playing well I don't get to be a part of the action. But when we score I am pumped up. I seem to revert back to a state of nothing else matters and live in the moment. I play each moment as it comes and don't over think.

Now how do I translate that into real life practice? Hmmm, that is an interesting question. I may have to ponder that further.

But I just have to say I am not a robot, I checked after yesterdays blog, and think there must be hope for future gains in the jump up and down happy as a pig in sh#t attitude to come back to the surface. It's in there and I need to give a chance to find its way back. Then look out people, Mr. Happy Go Lucky will be back and looking for fun!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Don’t Worry Be Happy

Somewhere down this winding road I call life I have lost something. I don't remember when I lost it or where but it appears to be gone. I do remember, once upon a time, having it and I guess I took it for granted. I am unsure if the loss was a gradual process or if I woke up one day and it was gone. I would have to speculate it was a slow decent; hardly noticeable to the naked eye, otherwise I am sure I would have taken steps to avoid the loss of something so important. I see others around possess it; especially the children, so clearly it isn't something I made up. I know I had it at one point. Children are the best example I can possibly give, they possess such a raw version that I think we could all learn from.

I have lost my ability to be happy about something good happening in my life; to let my hair down (so to speak) and be genuinely happy about an event. That euphoric moment when you first discover something where everything else in the World for brief time is gone and the discovery envelopes your mind, body and soul; you become flushed and the smile you wear is involuntary, you know that moment. Now to be fair and clear, I do laugh a great deal, however, it is based on a healthy sense of humor. I love comedy and thoroughly enjoy making people laugh. But when it comes to something happening to me that should produce a happiness that makes me smile and pump my fist in raw emotion; something in my brain misfires. The strange part is, I can clearly see and appreciate the good aspects and can feel the excitement inside, and somehow the excitement is held in check. Like a damper being closed ever so slowly to allow some of the excitement to flow through but not too much! Very, very controlled. It sucks! At the same time I can also see and feel the hurdles that are attached to the potential for happiness which could very well be the damper I spoke of. It seems I am always in analytical mode; breaking down all the angles and all the outs. Visualizing the potential, possibility for growth, and the areas that could post a problem; then continue the visual to include possible solutions to the potential pitfalls to ensure a smooth transition in to happiness! Sounds sickening doesn't it? Always thinking and always planning. Even at my wedding social a couple weeks back, I was unable to fully shut myself off; even though I had the exceptional effort and hard work of a friend to be "the guy" for the event. I still found myself assessing and reassessing trying to make certain everything was run as smoothly as possible. I believe anything has sooooo much potential for greatness that if adjusts can be made on the fly at the right time any event can be amazing. I really should find a line of work to utilize my analytical thinking so I could apply the efforts outside of my personal life.

I used to be able to have a blast anywhere, anytime with anyone. Now I find myself more subdued and low key. Not that low key is bad; many people live quite happily in low key mode. Now I find myself figure out who is there, what type person do I need to be too maximize the potential for a good time. Maybe I am a robot!?! Truthfully I would enjoy a little more bang for my buck. Let it all hang out type philosophy. Years ago when I was less wrapped up in life I was WAY more fun. Some of the people who have known me for the least amount of time don't even know that guy and think this is the normal me! Sad, but true.

I think a lot has to do with being a father. I am constantly worried about my image to them. And somewhere I missed the chapter that explains being fun is REALLY important. I know I am the least fun when I am "parenting", which sucks, because my kids are such goofballs at times I am missing out on the goofiness!! Although I feel a day and night responsibility to be an image of perfection for my children I have to relax so they can enjoy their father. For starters I am certainly nowhere near perfect! I am working on it and have made some leaps of faith. Doing something I know I will enjoy with them and letting go some of my reservations of "showing too much happiness" to them. It is such a weird way of thinking. Too much fun? Sounds so ridiculous, but I am stuck in this rut of monitoring my "vitals" and throttling back my fun for fear of being irresponsible. A parent…nothing and I mean nothing can prepare you for what kind of emotional roller coaster it sends you on. And I guess therein lies the problem…with all my planning, analyzing and break down of possibilities I can't put my finger on all the possibilities and outcomes when it comes to my kids. I think over time as I grew into being a parent I have spent too much time trying to find answers to questions that can't possibly have an answer that I got lost in the process. Your kids will grow up to be what they grow up to be and your input, although critical, is exactly that, just input. In the end, like all other humans, including us as we grew up, our children will make the final decisions on who they will be and how they will make their mark on Earth.

My Two Cents

Jamie

Personal Growth Required

I had some personal stuff grinding away at me during this past weekend. I thought it was no big deal but it has proven to be a lot more than I can handle. As I noted in a previous blog 2008 has been extremely full and I thought I was taking it all on pretty well. Apparently I have been mistaken. This weekend fishing trip has shown a HUGE spot light on my lack of coping skills. I don’t feel stressed about anything, but my reactions to certain things are saying otherwise. I seem to be in a time in my life where I am being thrust in to authority positions I don’t necessarily want or need. I appear to be giving off the aura that I can “run the show”. Although I do have a great deal of experience organizing events and managing people, I don’t seem to believe in my ability to lead at this point in my life. Not sure why? My track record should give me confidence, but I am in a fog. Maybe it is about not wanting responsibility; I just want to have some fun. Fun? What’s that?

There were many examples of the cracking this weekend. I was given the hat of derby chairman without my actual consent. But how do you say no? I was being asked questions I don’t know the answers to and it appears if anything went wrong I was to blame. Nothing I hate more than being accused of things I have not done or being told what emotion I am feeling about something. Problem is, by defending my honor I in fact perpetuate the exact behavior I am being accused of having. My favorite accusations being: “I need to let things go” and “I am making a big deal out of nothing”. Both of which are impossible to defend without looking like I’m not letting it go and making a big deal out of the situation. The preverbal catch 22. I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t. Literally I have had an argument more times than I care to remember with someone who INSISTS I am NOT letting something go. No matter how much I say I have let it go no one believes me. What can I do?

The worst example of the weekend includes a very dear friend of mine and it started on Friday. I had a feeling something wasn’t quite right with my friend James. He seemed to be short fused with people and his comments were a little biting at times. I shrugged it off. I have known him for more than 20 years and he may have been having a bad day. He and I have been through a lot of stuff, both good and bad. Over the years we have been solid rocks for each other in various ways for various reasons. I was soon reminded why this day wasn’t an ordinary day. One time I was there for James would have been a couple years ago during the birth and death of his daughter, Jesse. I can clearly remember the day Jesse was born and James’ recount of the 20 minutes she lived and died in his arms. That date was May 24^th; a date I had trouble remembering in the following years, but never forgot his struggle. I knew not remembering the particular date would come back to haunt me one day. The memory of the day was much more about James and his wife than about the calendar. I always knew it was in the end of May around his own birthday. As you can see the date fell during this year’s fraternal fishing weekend. It explains why James was not himself, by standards I would consider “normal” for him. I had to find out the most difficult way possible that this was the date he went through, possibly, the most difficult day in his life to date. We had a blow out. During a pressure moment he was having with others in our cabin regarding the registration process that James volunteered to help with; the others were trying to nitpick James’ handling of guys registering and receiving their T-Shirts. I could see James was getting to the end of his short rope and I attempted to defuse the situation by backing James up and letting him know I felt he did great job and shouldn’t worry about the nit picking. James felt he needed to get out of the environment quickly; unfortunately I was his way out by turning the table to point it at me. This in effect made it appear that I was making a big stink about it and blowing things out of proportion. I became the target of problem and the reason everyone was so upset. Yet, I wasn’t involved with the registration AT ALL! And because was the 4^th or 5^th time that weekend I had been made to be someone’s escape goat, I lost it. I said some things to James that weren’t very nice and he returned the favor and I left the room slamming the door behind me. Later that evening James and I had a moment to talk and we reassured each other that everything was cool; at that time he reminded me about Jesse and I was devastated with my lack of compassion. Had I remembered how important this date was to James I would have taken his assault on the chin and then some; knowing full well he was in need of a shield at that exact moment. I would take anything he needed to dish out, that is what friends do. He could have physically assaulted me without retaliation if necessary. But instead I blasted him back when all he needed was a way out of the pressure cooker to ensure he didn’t take out his emotions on someone else who he couldn’t trust with such a sensitive matter. He trusted me and I let him down. We talked it out and I know we are cool but I should have known better. We continued to talk on the deck for some time. James is a close friend and close friends never need to worry about little spats like the one we had, but man I would have liked to be in front of this one.

The fishing was good, Gord was on fire (another 20+ year friend). We went fishing with Andy on his boat and then again while Andy took a nap. James snapped some pictures and it was a good day. Apparently it was my weekend to be an ass to my friends. I also lost a big walleye for Gord. First fish I have ever lost for someone else! Gord brought it to the boat and I made an attempt to land it in the boat, but the line snapped as I lifted the fish out of the water. Sorry Gord. Congrats to Gord for catching so many fish and thanks to James for making the decision to come on the boat with us. It was a much better weekend with him on the boat instead of on the dock by himself.

All in all it was a good weekend. The few issues that cropped up didn’t ruin it, but were a good reminder how important good friends are and how valuable those friendships can be. Be careful not to get to wrapped up in your own little World and forget your World isn’t the same without out the friends and family that make up the glue that holds it all together.

My Two Cents

Jamie

The World is a Funny Place

Just when I think I am pretty sure I understand the World around me...I am proven how wrong I am.

I am struggling to understand why people won't communicate with one another. Isn't communication the cornerstone of how the World works? Yet time and time again we are reminded that people will make decisions about other people without actually ever communicating with! How can you 'decide' what type of person someone is without talking to them? Can you make a fair assessment of someone without speaking to them?

I think we should all step back for a moment and re-evaluate our approach to new people, myself included. We all need to be more understanding and tolerate. We need to make every possible effort to know someone before we make a decision about them. It is unfortunate that too many of us make decisions about others without knowing them. We pass judgement that is not based on fact, instead we pass judgement based on our ill-informed opinions.

During this holiday season please take some time for personal reflection. Be sure you are not unecessarily hurting someone without knowing them well enough to understand what their are about.

The Lord teaches us compassion, forgiveness, and to not judge.

My Two Cents

God Bless

Jamie