Impact of a Feather

It's Thursday. The day is dragging along at the usual snail's pace. Clickety clack is the predominant sound filling the air as my crime fighting (and by crime fighting I mean ridding the World of annoying Computer problems) co-workers type away on their keyboards. I presume typing about work…just like I am! Oh the funny I spew forth!

A week or so ago everything seemed to be moving along nicely until a speed bump seems to have sent me off the rail. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch. Seems simple enough and relatively harmless. He canceled on me, which in of itself isn't a big deal. I know he is busy and this is fairly normal for him. I've come to expect it more than be surprised by it.
But, here in lies the rub. What impact am I having on people in my life? I tried to limit the drama to slightly below queen status, however, I simply could not ignore the facts. Time and time again I am being passed over for other events, people, or whatever better offer is looming on the horizon. Either I am a terrible person that nobody wants to spend time with or my loyalty and friendship is being taken for granted. I have to believe it is the second option; mostly because I know I am not a terrible person and quite frankly I am a good person, with integrity. So what gives? Is it that they are so comfortable with knowing I'm in their corner that little effort is required to maintain that bond? I guess the problem is, they are right. Loyal to a fault.
It may seem like one simple lunch, but it is hundreds of lunches, movies, parties or whatever I've invited people to in the past. It is just getting more and more difficult to find someone to say yes to a cup of coffee! I hear the same thing universally from people; "Ya, we should get together! It would be fun!" or "We should do this more often" or "Call anytime and we'll set something up". But unless I call, I swear I would never hear from them again. So again I ask what is my impact on people. My impact must be so powerful that I must maintain consistent week to week contact with someone or I would never hear from them again?? My impact is in fact, non-existent. Apparently I make a lot of noise, but nobody is listening.It's truly amazing, if I make noise and stay on the radar nobody hears me, but if I go quiet everyone sits up and says what's wrong with Jamie and where did he go? Which would lead me to believe that as long as I am appearing okay everyone will simply go about their business and get to me when they have time. Here's an interesting piece of information…..if you don't make time for people (yourself included) before you know it years have pasted and you wish you had them back,
Here's a news flash. I'm not fine! Unless of course you mean Frazzled Insecure Neurotic and Emotional, then fine I am. No worries though, I got it, I'm managing to work through it on my own. No need to squeeze me in to your busy schedule. Please don't misunderstand I'm not angry, I just have taken inventory and understand a few things more clearly, which of course should help resolve some of the lingering skeletons in the closet. My loyalty and integrity have not wavered. I feel very strongly about who my friends are. Rest assured I'm not going anywhere and when you have time, however long in to the future that may be, I will be in the same place you last saw me…..by your side.

My Two Cents
Jamie