Losing Grip On Reality?

SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t watched the season finale of Survivor 19 and don’t want to know who won; DO NOT read any further.

I have to say the season finale of Survivor last night has left a very bitter taste in my mouth to say the least. Considering I have never written about any episodes; I must say this one had an impact. Perhaps I’ll start another blog about Survivor next February and detail my take episode by episode. Hmmm. Whatever, back to the unfortunate events of last night’s finale.
Is it just me or has everyone taken this “reality” show too far? Don’t get me wrong I love Survivor and watched every season; this reality show is still just a game, right? No matter how tough the conditions are or how real the social side of the Survivor is; it’s still a game of outwitting, outplaying and outlasting the other players. AH HA! I thought so, those statements would indicate this to be a game of some sort. There is the crux of my issue with this season’s outcome. Everyone on jury seemed to forget they were playing a game, nothing more than a silly game. Let’s be honest. Anyone who plays a game of any kind (whether they admit it openly or not) is willing to do what it takes to win within confines of the rules. I am NOT suggesting people are willing to break the rules or cheat to win, because I don’t believe that to be true or right. But taking advantage of the rules in play for any given game should be considered a well executed plan. No?
The fact that Russell did not win Survivor is a disappointment and frustrating too. I do understand the concept of social engineering and building relationships, however, having respect for someone who arguably played the game better than anyone in history has to be factored in. The fact that Russell essentially brought four Foa Foa members to the final four (minus Brett winning three consecutive immunities) against what seemed like insurmountable odds is simply brilliant. Whether you like Russell or not should not matter. I am simply looking at his cunning and ability to understand social dynamics better than anyone. He understood what it took to maintain his power in the game. He knew which people to use, he knew which people to discard and when. He was smart enough to quickly discover people’s weaknesses and use them to his advantage. He said it best when he was burning socks and empting canteens, “I believe I can control how people act, if I control how they feel.” Brilliant from a game play stand point. I know people will be going hog wild about my statements, questioning my integrity because of it but again that is simply sad and judgemental. Survivor is a game people! I believe Russell’s statement about who he is in life outside of the game of Survivor; an honest, loyal man with integrity. I also know I would not want to play a game with him unless I did my homework because he is intelligent and will be exploit my weaknesses. I know one thing, part of the goal as a coach is to impart knowledge to my athletes. One very important piece of information is to have the athletes to look for the opponent’s weaknesses and report them back to us on the sidelines. Once we have the information we plot a course to use those weaknesses to our advantage. I don’t recall anyone booing or hissing for using that information during the reality game on the grid iron?
The problem this season was simple. The Gulu tribe was full of some very bitter and small minded individuals who were beat at their own game. It is REAL easy to sit in the first juror’s seat and pontificate about morals and ethics. Sorry Erik but you are a sad little man. Anyone who thinks they can claim a moral centre throughout the game of Survivor lies. Find a moment off camera and its not hard to plot in secrecy. Bottom line if Erik had not been removed from the game when he was he would have had to cross the bridge into “breaking his word” land at some point to make the final three. At least Russell was open and honest about his plans and created no illusions of how he intended on playing the game.
Back to the bitter bunch…let’s review. The merge brought together 4 Foa Foa and 8, count’em 8, Gulu. Russell managed to eliminate 8 Gulu members (not single handed mind you, his cast of puppets were integral), no wonder Gulu members were so bitter. It was just discouraging that none of these apparent adults could not get out of the sand box long enough to see the game for what it was; a game. A game played masterfully by one guy. The fact that the entire Gulu tribe was on the jury after making the merge with 2 to 1 numbers should have been a tip off to them that someone in the game was a genius at playing the people like a first string violinist commands their instrument at Julliard.
In the end Natalie won Survivor 19 and I hope she donates half her winnings to Erik, not because he is deserving for his game play, although his drama queen status ranks right up there. Erik’s caustic tirade may very well have cost Russell the game and delivered a million dollar cheque on a silver platter to Natalie. As history will teach us, season after season those players that flew under the radar and rode another player’s coat tails have been looked upon poorly. Natalie was a powerful pawn in Russell’s game. Its funny how all these jury members, sour from their early exit were blinded by these sour emotions, to the reality that was Natalie. They claimed her innocence for her and felt she did nothing. On the contrary she executed, possibly the biggest move of the game, Erik’s blind side, of course it is important to note this devious plot twist was orchestrated by Russell who sent his minion to plant the seed of doubt in to Laura’s head. Russell knew he had zero clout with Laura and was smart enough to send Natalie and not Mick or Jaison. Even in the little clip they showed of Natalie’s life in the game we see the point in time where she approaches Laura and says “I don’t trust Erik”, this led to his own tribe turning on him and sending him to seat number one on the jury. She wasn’t so innocent and quite frankly a lot more devious then she wanted to be seen as. Erik’s speech was so sad and sick, it made me want to kick my TV and it was at that moment I felt Russell lost. All the jurors who were on the fence, feeling they didn’t like any of their choices; sat back and thought “Yah, what he said!” and decided to vote for Natalie. Even Shambo; without a doubt Russell’s biggest pawn, he used her for as long as he needed her and discarded her; voted for him. She knew what happened when it was all said and done, but despite being used; respected Russell’s game play and understood it was a game and that Russell wasn’t personally out to hurt Shambo. It appears the most kid-like adult on the show turned out to be the most mature. Good on you Shambo.
I think in the end Russell’s biggest problem was his arrogance. Although he informed everyone how he intended on playing the game, no one bought it. He should have announced his style to everyone once and let the chips fall where they may, rather than continually remind them he was “The Man”. It’s completely ironic how the game ended. Russell was accused of lying and unethical behaviours, however, he was 100% honest with everyone about how he intended on playing the game. He let the World know he planned on playing the game and did not concern himself with the inevitable collateral damage he would have to create to win the game. Interesting isn’t it? Russell was painted with the liars brush, yet he told them how he would do it, in the end he didn’t lie to them. In turn, their own arrogance, not Russell’s sealed their fate as spectators in this game.
Perhaps this is coming full circle. Russell was the victim of some individuals wanting to exact revenge because they were too arrogant themselves to believe he could play the game the way he said he would. They all had more than enough opportunity to vote his ass off the island, but their own egos blurred their vision of how the game would play out.
The winner is Natalie, but the best Survivor in season 19 was Russell by a LONG shot.

My Two Cents
Jamie

Christmas Music Is Awesome!

Sitting here listening to some Christmas music. I love Christmas music. Not entirely sure why! After years of working retail you'd think the moment a single bar of Christmas music were to fill the air I would be sent screaming into the night!
Nah. I love it. I feel so happy when I'm listening to Christmas music. I'm at work on a Saturday and working very, very hard; well I did. I got all my stuff done and some extra stuff too and I have a couple more things to complete before I go home, but for now I typing away.
Because I'm working alone I have the music CRANKED! Its pretty awesome! Actually makes the work not so bad? Bah, who am I kidding, it would be quickly ruined by an end user whining about some lame computer problem. For now I will sing along to White Christmas and be merry.
We are all ready for Christmas too; which is a great way to get into the spirit. No worries about facing crowds and shopping till ya drop. Today we also have a Christmas Family gathering, which is also awesome. My day is filled with awesomeness apparently. Hey the music stopped; be right back………ahhhh that’s better, now where was I… oh yes…awesomeness! I know it’s a week early but my Mom’s family gathers when we can because the family is so HUGE. Although this is the first year it’s before Christmas; kinda weird, but I am looking forward to seeing my cousins. I think this will work out well. Christmas can be sooooo hectic that by the time we get to the offset Christmas gathering with my Mom’s family the holiday spirit can be long gone. At least for me it goes fairly fast, simply due to the manic state we are in from noon on Christmas Eve right through till the New Year; and for me, this year, it starts at 6:30am on the 24th (I work 8am to Noon). Today will be a great kick off to Christmas fun and family gatherings with still a week of rest leading up to the big days of Christmas.
I have to run, complete some final tasks, check a few things and blow this popsicle stand! If I don’t manage another post then Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all. God Bless you and your families throughout the holiday season.

My Two Cents
Jamie

Laughing All The Way

Here it is Wednesday, eight short days till the fun begins. Fun is relative term isn't it? The Christmas season should be fun, I think, but so often its not for many.
This year in the frozen tundra of Winnipeg I think we were all caught a little off guard. Our weather in November was above normal and beautiful. Perhaps a false sense of "there's lots of time till Christmas" set in without any snow to speak of. I guess living in the snowy climate, as we do, creates a certain need for snow to inform us its time to get shopping. Sure there are plenty of people who start shopping earlier, however, in my humble opinion that's weird! I need the infusion of the Christmas spirit and the feeling of giving helps over look the crowds and think about the concept of giving. Its like having blinders on while shopping. Works for me!
I have heard a lot of the same things from my family this year. No one seems to know what to get anyone and are threatening with gift cards as last minute choices. I don't particularly enjoy gift cards, neither giving or receiving. A gift should be personal and as individual as the person receiving the gift. Why not just agree to not exchange gifts if all your prepared to give is a gift card? It's just cash, no? I give you cash and you give me cash, let's call the whole thing off and agree our gift cards cancel one another out!
Well I'm basically ready for Christmas. A few things here and there to buy, nothing major. Feels nice to have found gifts for everyone that they will enjoy and appreciate, at least I hope.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone.

Just a note for the new year: I will be starting a new Blog! Cooking will be the theme. My Twp Cents isn't going anywhere, but just a separate space for some recipes I've collected over the years. They are awesome and most are simple enough for every day preparing.

My Two Cents
Jamie
Sent from my BlackBerry

Impact of a Feather

It's Thursday. The day is dragging along at the usual snail's pace. Clickety clack is the predominant sound filling the air as my crime fighting (and by crime fighting I mean ridding the World of annoying Computer problems) co-workers type away on their keyboards. I presume typing about work…just like I am! Oh the funny I spew forth!

A week or so ago everything seemed to be moving along nicely until a speed bump seems to have sent me off the rail. I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch. Seems simple enough and relatively harmless. He canceled on me, which in of itself isn't a big deal. I know he is busy and this is fairly normal for him. I've come to expect it more than be surprised by it.
But, here in lies the rub. What impact am I having on people in my life? I tried to limit the drama to slightly below queen status, however, I simply could not ignore the facts. Time and time again I am being passed over for other events, people, or whatever better offer is looming on the horizon. Either I am a terrible person that nobody wants to spend time with or my loyalty and friendship is being taken for granted. I have to believe it is the second option; mostly because I know I am not a terrible person and quite frankly I am a good person, with integrity. So what gives? Is it that they are so comfortable with knowing I'm in their corner that little effort is required to maintain that bond? I guess the problem is, they are right. Loyal to a fault.
It may seem like one simple lunch, but it is hundreds of lunches, movies, parties or whatever I've invited people to in the past. It is just getting more and more difficult to find someone to say yes to a cup of coffee! I hear the same thing universally from people; "Ya, we should get together! It would be fun!" or "We should do this more often" or "Call anytime and we'll set something up". But unless I call, I swear I would never hear from them again. So again I ask what is my impact on people. My impact must be so powerful that I must maintain consistent week to week contact with someone or I would never hear from them again?? My impact is in fact, non-existent. Apparently I make a lot of noise, but nobody is listening.It's truly amazing, if I make noise and stay on the radar nobody hears me, but if I go quiet everyone sits up and says what's wrong with Jamie and where did he go? Which would lead me to believe that as long as I am appearing okay everyone will simply go about their business and get to me when they have time. Here's an interesting piece of information…..if you don't make time for people (yourself included) before you know it years have pasted and you wish you had them back,
Here's a news flash. I'm not fine! Unless of course you mean Frazzled Insecure Neurotic and Emotional, then fine I am. No worries though, I got it, I'm managing to work through it on my own. No need to squeeze me in to your busy schedule. Please don't misunderstand I'm not angry, I just have taken inventory and understand a few things more clearly, which of course should help resolve some of the lingering skeletons in the closet. My loyalty and integrity have not wavered. I feel very strongly about who my friends are. Rest assured I'm not going anywhere and when you have time, however long in to the future that may be, I will be in the same place you last saw me…..by your side.

My Two Cents
Jamie

Failure = Success??

Ever tried something you thought you would be really good at failed miserably? I know I have. It is amazing how hard we can be on ourselves when this happens. The expectations were high, although there was nothing supporting the notion that we could do it, but we believed! Then upon coming to the shocking conclusion that we aren't truly living up to the vision of grace and excellence we came to understand; we crash hard like a kid about an hour after his pixie stix buzz wears off. Why do we set ourselves up to fail? Because it is essential to actually achieving any level of success. Failure breeds success.
I read this Michael Jordan quote that got me to thinking. All natural talent and amazing skills aside, MJ only reached his level of success by experiencing a lot of failure.

“I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

I found it to be a powerful statement on success. Without failure, at least some small ones, we can never actually achieve true success. Each failure teaches you something and provides and opportunity to improve. Embracing failures empowers us to learn and ultimately achieve success. The challenge is to accept failure as a tool and not a terrible event. A tool used to define the growth of a successful person.
Let's back up a little, only to reflect on the word failure. The word failure seems so finite and harsh. However, by definition the word failure isn't as abrupt.

1.	an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success

2.	nonperformance of something due, required, or expected

3.	a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency

Words in the definition include; instance, nonperformance, an act. These action words break down the concept of failure to something much smaller, rather than the big picture feeling the word failure can evoke.
That's why I say failure is a useful tool. It marks a moment in time where I have a specific opportunity to learn something important. Of course, this is providing I am capable of looking inward to cease the opportunity instead of looking for others to blame or other excuses. This concept brings me to an import lesson. One I am learning as you read this. I have recently been struggling with my healthier lifestyle choices. Emotionally tough times have become a source of weakness and I am not defending myself very well.
Let's be clear, I haven't gained a pile of weight or anything. Surprisingly I am still maintaining, goes to show what a little exercise can do for maintenance! Any way, enough stalling. I believe lately my worries about my job and a shift in my parenting role (new teenager and daughter needing mom more than dad at this time) has actually caused some problems for me. I think I am feeling un-needed in some way. Sadly I have turned to food to console me, well really only one day in particular. Like an earthquake there have been some subtle aftershocks, but only one big shake up. It's a problem though, one I thought I had put behind me. However, I am here now to tell you this isn't a big deal (upon review of the event and subsequent detailed analysis).
I struggled for days with how I was dealing with this. I had a day of ridiculous food choices, all in the name of comfort. In my head, I pleaded with the food; Food make me feel better, please. I think the worst and most scary part of that day was the complete loss of control. I heard the rational voices in my head reminding me of the healthy choices I could eat, but it was almost like my rational voice had absolutely no effect on the actions of my body. Upon reflection, I truly felt scared by the events of that morning, how could I ignore the simple healthy choices?
As I made my way through that Saturday I seemed to regain my composure, slowly making my way back to sanity. In the past this type of eating would consume days and weeks; only to plant a small seed of habit to my eating practices. Over time those small little habits compounded one another and lead to my unhealthy weight. This time seemed different, a positive I need to focus on.
By Monday I was back to my exercise plans and re-focused on healthier food choices again. As a side note, I did not drop any of my exercise requirements, it was only my food/fuel choices that were effected by the break down. That was a couple weeks ago and I am looking back on my failure with an open mind. I am trying to find the lesson to be learned, perhaps a road map to avoid the pitfall when it happens again. Let's not kid ourselves here, this is a life long battle, one that will consist of shining, glorious moments of triumph and moments of unfortunate feelings of failure. Those who have never struggled with their weight don't truly understand and I don't expect them too. One lesson I learned for sure is the idea that mistakes are a part of the journey to a healthier life overall. I also realized something super important Sunday morning......I didn't gain 80 lbs due to my unfortunate set back!! That's right folks, as frustrating as it can be to suffer a set back, it DOES NOT set us back to the start! Take it on face value, a minor set back. The key was to review what led up to the break down and determine what can be done to get in front of the problem before it becomes the same minor set back.
For me, it definitely would involve talking to someone. I have an incredible person in my life who is understanding and patient. I need to trust in her support. It will be hard, no doubt, because the embarrassment of feeling powerless to stop myself from eating junk as a meal is overwhelming. But that is my tentative plan when I begin to feel powerless and seek the comfort of food next time. She won't be harsh or degrading, she will just talk me through it and be available to help.
The bottom line here is simply this; don't let failures monopolize your thoughts. Focus on the successes and get back on track ASAP. The very next day is ideal. If its food for you, get back to the healthy food choices like nothing happened. If you skipped the gym a few too many times, when you had no good reasons to do so, get back there at your next chance (same goes for home exercising). Don't head back (restart a home program) thinking you have to work harder to eliminate the recent failure because you cannot eliminate the failure. You can only move on from where you currently are. The focus has to be on what you are doing moving forward, not how can I erase what happened. Sadly we don't have any of those fancy devices the Men In Black have in the movie, that with the click of a button we forget the last few hours. That would be SWEET, but alas we have to file the experience under "Let's not do that again!" Moving on would be so much easier with mind wipe tool, don't ya think! Anyway.......
Thanks for allowing me to expose a low point my life. It seems the writing almost always focuses on the success and leaves some feeling like I am no longer struggling or experiencing any sort of failures. I fail, but I learn, therefore success is found within every failure.

So remember, as I tell myself first, I can't expect to never fail. Failure is an opportunity to learn and moving forward is my only option. If I never fail, quite frankly, I'm not making enough attempts at being a success!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Roadmap Through Murky Waters

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

Mark Twain

What a great quote by Mark Twain. I received a great comment from a reader the other day. I KNOW...an actual reader! That is awesome, right! Okay enough goofing off, this is serious stuff and the readers expect more.......uh....let's move on, shall we.

The comment reinforced my decision to not allow others to impact my plan, as the Mark Twain quote says avoid those who belittle your plan. I appreciate the comment because it validates my feelings on the issue. Also it was a nice surprise to find out I'm not simply typing into cyberspace for the sole purpose of clearing out space in my head. Thank you very much to Ellen, who can be found here, http://keepingitoffblog.blogspot.com/ It's not that others (people I know) haven't spoke to me about my ramblings here in big, bad World of the Internet, but this comment came out of blue from someone I don't know and yet took the time to take interest in my dribble! I started writing to find some quiet comfort in the ideas and thoughts racing through my head, it can be soothing at times. Without getting this stuff on paper (sort of) I was constantly trying to remember an interesting thought or idea. I starting blogging with intent of finding readers and supplying them some entertainment and perhaps inspiration.

Ellen also made an important point that I need to continue to do what I am doing and those who are ready to follow; will. That is a very true statement. I forget that at times. I so desperately want to have a positive impact on others; in my strive to help them achieve whatever they are on a mission to achieve, I forget I can't decide they should become the success I see. They have to want it or at least have a clue it's there for the taking. Most of the time the most important key to their success is only one small thing....belief. Simple belief that they CAN do it and more importantly, having someone else actually believe its possible; I truly believe we are all capable of ANYTHING our greatest supporter thinks we can achieve. I like being that person; someone who believes they can do it, who knows I may be alone in the cheering section, but I alone can help them succeed. I probably like being that person because it deflects from my own struggles with finding success, but that is a whole different topic and about a hundred blogs worth of stuff.

Surround yourself with as many people who believe in what you are doing and success will come. A difficult reality facing those with doubt is; our daily lives are filled with saboteurs (intentional or not) and "surrounding" ourselves with believers isn't easy. I say, rather than waste too much time finding a whole horde of people; focus on finding one that will believe in you unconditionally. Someone willing to re-energize you when the daily buzz kills around you suck your potential right out of you. Nothing irritates small minded people more than someone having a dream or believing in something they can't possibly comprehend. With that I leave you this thought: If you want something, go get, it's yours for the taking. You own the potential to achieve it and it's time for you to shine!

My Two Cents

Jamie

HA HA! You Lost Weight!

Anyone who has read anything on this blog knows I have lost a lot of weight. I accomplished this through exercise and lifestyle changes. No secret formula, no magic pills, nothing but the same tools we all have at our disposal. As strange as it has been to experience people's reaction to my transformation; I think the most unexplained occurrence is that of mockery. Usually this happens among those who have only known me as I am today. The tendency is to poke fun at my eating habits and, here's the kicker, the type of food I eat! I don't understand. Even after they know the story of where I came from to where I am, they still joke about it. "All you do is fill up on vegetables!", which isn't true, but if it was I'm still confused...is that a bad thing? "Oh are you having a carrot stick for lunch?" This statement in itself should help me move on because clearly they don't pay any real attention to my eating habits. I eat plenty of food, in fact, I am certain I eat more than I did before.” You eat constantly, mind you it’s just a cracker here and an apple there", okay…it seems that you are getting it, but not really. I eat "constantly" to fuel the metabolism; I am keeping the fires burning. Envision a car with only a five litre tank on a road trip across the country. How many times will the fuel tank of a machine in constant motion need to be filled? Get the picture?

Next, the opposing reaction from those who have known me for many years; clearly these people only see what they want to see. When sitting down to eat with family and long time friends, I am constantly questioned about the quantity of food I am eating. "Is that all you're eating? You hardly ate a thing!”. Truth of the matter is I had a little bit of everything; I get the benefits of tasting all the great food without piling the food high on my plate to the point of breeching the plate's holding capacity. As I have mentioned in my blogs before the size of the plates is a major component to the problems society faces today. We start a meal with a plate big enough to feed two people from and proceed to fill it up with enough food to feed four. In certain cases, like times when there is dessert available after dinner, I will eat less dinner. If I am going to stop eating when I am full then I better save room for cake! Bottom line the stomach will stretch as far as you want it to. This is not healthy for your body or its digestive processes. One of the changes I’ve made is to NOT jam food into my pie hole until I just can't get anymore in. I eat till I'm full and stop, then eat again when I feel hungry, which can be as little as an hour later, depending on the healthy qualities of the food consumed. But again this continued attempt to have me eat more food in one sitting is frustrating. Spend a day with me and understand how much food I eat, then you will realize I eat plenty, just not all at once. But that would require an actual interest in what I have accomplished and how I did it.

Another fun issue, is clothing sizes. I used to wear shirts that were XL or XXL. Baggy shirts were better to hide the enormous guy beneath them. A while back I was shopping with my wife trying to buy a few shirts that would actually fit me and she continued to suggest I try on the S size. My mind was asking "Is this woman nuts, I can't squeeze into a small?!" I was still dealing with the move to M and not mentally prepared for a further size reduction. I tried the small on and low and behold it fit! Not just fit either, comfortable fit and flattering! Who knew! I wear a medium in some styles of shirts and small in others. But Large is definitely too big. This concept never seems to get through to some people, myself included at times. It almost seems they are offended by the mere suggestion that I wear a medium or small? "C'mon you can wear a large. It's not THAT baggy." Then horrific phrase used in their defence is uttered "I like my clothes to be comfortable"…shudder…big clothes are the most unflattering thing anyone can do. The XLs of the World elongate the body and shorten your frame and more importantly make you appear much bigger than you are. I wore them because I had too and wanted to hide. The uncomfortable feeling being used as an excuse for proper fitting clothes is more in reference to not being comfortable with one's own skin or size than the clothes themselves. For us guys, I think a big part of it is linked to our ego. Big (strong) guys need to wear big shirts; if I wear an XL then I must be a big, strong man! Sadly that is not true for most cases. I know I am stronger today than I ever was, yet I wear clothes that are smaller than I have ever worn, go figure! Now I like how comfortable I feel wearing a medium or small. But again the battle to wear the clothes I want, in the size I want shouldn't be a battle, but it is.

For the most part none of above issues are things that truly upset me, but lately I have been taking issue with those same people complaining about their own health issues and desires for change. They are frustrated with my simple answers and lack of magic. Whoa, what, wait a minute….you are not happy with your health but you are more than willing to make fun of my lifestyle habits? Back up the bus amigo! Perhaps for just a second you should take the time to learn from me. Am I special in some way? I don't think so, but I DID change some very simple things about my lifestyle and have witnessed changes I would never have bet a wooden nickel on. So, my suggestion is shut your trap, buck up and take the challenge to make changes in your life! I've said it before, "If truly want to see change in your life you WILL have to make changes in your life." Usually the changes aren't easy ones either. Suck it up buttercup and realize change isn’t always easy or fun, but perhaps necessary if you truly want to experience change.

I don't know. I guess I feel my accomplishments are not having an impact on enough people. It sounds self centered, but really it’s the exact opposite. I want people I care about, quite frankly anyone really, to be healthy. The hard part is knowing what I have done is attainable by anyone. Again, nothing magically has taken place here. But, there was hard work and specific actions taken. My concern is how long it took me to figure it out and how I see others ignoring the obvious while maintaining the status quo, only to be frustrated and discouraged with their own health. They say, “Lead by example.” There is the rub; I continue to remain diligent about my own health while others around me continue to ignore theirs’. If my example is supposed to lead, how come the followers are few and far between?

It is time for me to learn how to find the value in my own accomplishments and realize how much my own health is worth.

My Two Cents

Jamie

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

I recently received a message from someone who I knew a long time ago. We worked together and through the glory that is Facebook they were able to lay witness to the changes I have made over the last year and half; through a photo I posted of my wife and I at a recent family wedding. The message came with an uplifting feel that reminded me how important my journey has been. Not just for me, but for those around me too.

I still forget that the changes my body has undergone since March '04 are completely beyond the scope of what I thought was possible, and I guess the same can be said for people who have known me over the years; both recently and a long time ago. At my current age I have met a lot of people; and this lifestyle change has created a situation where so many people have never seen me looking like I do now. Because I have never looked like this as an adult! It's kinda crazy really. Looking back to my High School days some 20 years ago, my body was shaped differently and I weighed more. Not much more mind you; my current weight is about 20lbs lighter than my weight in High School. I can't honestly recall a time when I weighed the same as I do today, nor can I remember my body's shape looking the way it does now either. Also, I can honestly claim that I NEVER thought I could actually weigh less than 200lbs. The concept was foreign and unattainable to me just a short time ago. I didn't feel the need to be less than 200lbs either. In fact I always joked with guys that "You aren't a real man unless you weigh at least 200lbs!" Quite a bold statement, from someone trying to make an excuse for being over weight. For me to now be well under 200lbs is shocking to me. It almost doesn't seem real. Whenever I do get on a scale (which isn't often) I still expect the much more than I see. I usually get off and step back on, thinking I must have did it wrong. I walk away from the scale shaking my head wondering if it is true. Luckily I don't own a scale so I don't have to worry about being confused ALL the time!

I am still caught off guard by comments from people regarding how I look. Especially those I have known for so long and not seen in a while. They have known me for years and they only know one version of me and he is much bigger. From the age of 16 to 36 is a long time of meeting new people and building bonds of friendship. Some of those people I see regularly and others not so much. It is the ones I happen upon infrequently that are most astonished. They clearly have a specific memory of me and today's version just doesn't match.

The interesting part of this is when someone I have met since the changes collides with someone who has known me for years. The frame of reference for my friends of many years confuses those who are new acquaintances and friends to my World. Naturally newer friends only know me as I am today (80 lbs lighter than before) and can't imagine me any different, whereas, my long time friends, family and acquaintances at a different time in my life couldn't imagine me as I am today. It's an interesting merger of mindsets that I am fascinated by. I'm weird, I know. I am student of people and that will never change. One group looks at me wondering where it all went and the other group looks at me and wonders where would it go!

I am encouraged by the thoughtful things I have heard from people around me. It reminds me why I took up the challenge...to regain control of my health. Its those comments and compliments that act as motivation to remain on task. Healthy, strong heart and active muscles. Two goals, one life. Simple enough? I think so. I keep it simple and don't sweat the small stuff………except when I'm exercising!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Am I That Important? I sure hope not!

As I write this I am torn. Am I really a terrible guy? I don't believe this to be true. Some might think so, which is really unfortunate.

There comes a time, seemingly annually now, when I feel forced to question my worth in life. I know I shouldn't but certain events always put me in a precarious spot. I believe I make a serious effort to be a good person, perhaps too good. What I mean by that is; I consistently try to accommodate everyone (except those seeking PC help). The problem is, from time to time, World's collide and I am only one man and cannot be everything to everyone and additionally not everywhere at the same time. Its intresting how people don't pick up on this. People and events get missed, mostly due to lack of planning and advance notice on the event planner's part. Does it suck, yes, sure it does, but doesn't life go on?
But why is everything hinging on my appearance? Or at least made to seem that way? Why is the entire success and everyone's chance at a good time resting on my shoulders? Am I that important? I hope not!
I find myself feeling a great deal of pressure at these times. If I am not available the event will be ruined! Which is absolute nonsense Not allowing myself to be effected by this is something I need to continue working on for my own mental health. But the fact remains; if I respond that I am unavailable due to other plans and this causes the wheels of that party bus to come off, something is wrong. Am I right?
I cannot and quite frankly will not believe that the success of the event and everyone's happiness hinges on my attendance! Seriously?! Its just not possible. Nor do I want it to be. I know I'm not that important! That isn't a negative statement either, I just don't believe I can wield so much power over others state of mind. So why then, do comments and ill feelings projected towards me lend to the very notion that I wield this unwanted burden?
I will boldly suggest that the problem lies on the otherside of the equation. I have written before about ownership of problems and the path to less stress is to assign proper ownership of issues. Only own your issues and ensure others own theirs. I think the time is fast approaching that my last unconquered frontier is dealt a harsh taste of reality. I cannot have ANY effect on the happiness (or disappointment) of others unless THEY CHOOSE to have my actions effect their happiness. They will have to own their unhappiness and NOT project it back on to me or others around them. Their choice to be unhappy or disappointed is an emotion they own and must deal with it appropriately. Least of which is trying to pawn the emotion off on someone else rather than feel it themselves and process it.
Delve in to the feelings and realize no hurtful intentions exist and therefore a logical response would be to let it go and enjoy life and its glorious splendor. View the event as a missed opportunity for those not in attendance and a great time for those there. Its counter productive to constantly look at life based on what you don't have.
I cannot continue to allow others to assign their unresolved issues to me. Thus, projecting their feelings on to me, in an attempt to have me be the problem, to attempt to make me in to a bad guy.
I truly feel I am doing a good job of taking care of my responsibilities in my life AND living within the choices that have brought me to where I am today. I don't make excuses for my life choices nor do I expect anyone else to. I choose to find happiness in the choices, even the really, really tough ones. Are mistakes made absolutely, but moving forward is the only option. Moving back is impossible.

My Two Cents

Jamie
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network

Should I mention why?

I wonder if it is worth mentioning why I have been absent for so long? Who has noticed? Not sure I have enough (or any readers) that have found a void in their life due to my absence.
Honestly there isn't one specific reason either. I just had work to do finding a job and didn't have time or motivation to write anything. Lately I have found myself thinking about writing again and have ignored the urge. I should have entered my thoughts into the journal I started, but didn't. There is a bunch of stuff I need to revisit from that book and I should be writing again.
As you will have noticed I seem to have the ability to post from my Blackberry, which is kinda cool if you ask me! Then I can write when the moment strikes me and perhaps be a little more timely. I suppose I don't want to post too many a day if I get soap box happy and load up the page with crap! I really hope to keep the content worth reading and coming back for. Who knows maybe I can have a following, minions, I've always wanted minions!

Really who wouldn't want some minions to do some dirty work, like read my boring diatribes in cyberspace!

My Two Cents,
Jamie

Recession Proof?

Well, about a week ago I was laid off. Although I understood the possibility was there working for a Canadian manufacturing company, I still didn't see it coming.
It seems to have set in this morning. I should have been busting out this blog when I had the chance. Hind sight always 20/20.
It has been a hurricane of emotions, not too worried to what the hell am I going to do. Not that I worried about finding employment, mostly trying to figure out what the heck I want to do.
The Information Technology (I.T.) industry was cool, but I am not sure it is for me. I haven't written it off, but I definitely need a much bigger challenge than I had. For me I need opportunity to be creative and to think outside the box. I am a proactive thinker always striving for a better way to do things. Sometimes there isn't that is cool too. But if there is a better way I will find it, given enough time.
For now I will try to bring some life back to my blog, re-read some of the blog building research I have and see what comes of it.
Today I cast out the lines and see what type of fish are biting. When one door closes many more always open, the trick is to be alert and notice them.

My Two Cents

Manitoba Challenge for Life 20 km Walk

In 2008 an estimated 6100 Manitobans were diagnosed with cancer. So many Manitoban lives are affected by cancer each year and in 2008 I too was touched by cancer. My family’s World was set on its ear when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer in early 2008. She battled through surgery and treatments through2008 and is now a survivor. I am proud of her for how she faced cancer head on and always kept a healthy attitude about the battle she was deeply rooted in. I know I can't truly understand how she felt, but her spirit was an inspiration to her family, friends and me. With her sister, who was fighting cancer for a second time in 2008, by her side, they walked the road to being survivors together.
That is why this year I’ve decided to join the fight! I’m taking the Challenge – CancerCare’s Challenge for Life! This walk will place an exclamation point at the end of that chapter and 2008 for me, with the caption reading "Cancer is no match for my Mom!”
The Challenge for Life is a 20k walk on June 13, 2009 to raise money for CancerCare Manitoba. By participating in this “made-in-Manitoba” event, I am committing to raise at least $1000 to support CancerCare’s work on behalf of all Manitobans. The Challenge for Life is more than just a walk. It’s a promise. It’s a promise to myself to continue to live a healthier lifestyle and build on lifestyle changes I have already made. It’s the commitment to taking the steps to improve my overall health and help reduce my own risk of cancer.
Last year over 500 Manitobans joined together for the first ever Challenge for Life. The $650,000 raised stayed within Manitoba and went towards patient care and support, early detection, research, and clinical trials. Take a stand and help me create hope for all Manitobans and their families living with cancer by either joining my team or making a generous donation. To learn more, please visit my personal webpage at www.challengeforlife.ca/netcommunity/jamiecm.
Take the challenge.

Together we can make a difference!

Sincerely,
Jamie Cinq-Mars

Memo From A Child To Their Parents

I don't know who the author of this list is, but it struck a cord with me. So much of it is true and so many parents need to wake up and listen. Print it out and post it up some where important to remind ourselves to step into our children's shoes from time to time. Understand the World from their side of the fence.

Enjoy!

Memo From
A Child To Parents

1. Don't spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I'm only testing you.
2. Don't be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it, it makes me feel secure.
3. Don't let me form bad habits. I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.
4. Don't make me feel smaller than I am. It only makes me behave stupidly "big".
5. Don't correct me in front of people if you can help it. I'll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
6. Don't make me feel that my mistakes are sins. It upsets my sense of values.
7. Don't protect me from consequences. I need to learn the painful way sometimes.
8. Don't be too upset when I say "I hate you". Sometimes it isn't you I hate but your power to thwart me.
9. Don't take too much notice of my small ailments. Sometimes they get me the attention I need.
10. Don't nag. If you do, I shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
11. Don't forget that I cannot explain myself as well as I should like. That is why I am not always accurate.
12. Don't put me off when I ask questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information elsewhere.
13. Don't be inconsistent. That completely confuses me and makes me lose faith in you.
14. Don't tell me my fears are silly. They are terribly real and you can do much to reassure me if you try to understand.
15. Don't ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too great a shock when I discover that you are neither.
16. Don't ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologize to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm towards you.
17. Don't forget I love experimenting. I couldn't get along without it, so please put up with it.
18. Don't forget how quickly I am growing up. It must be very difficult for you to keep pace with me, but please do try.
19. Don't forget that I don't thrive without lots of love and understanding, but I don't need to tell you, do I?
20. Please keep yourself fit and healthy. I need you.

Breaking Down Walls With Gusto!

I was a very different man once upon a time. I built some very high walls around myself during some very low times in my life. MANY tried to break them down, many fought to bring them down. I wanted everyone to tear them down, I was to afraid to help them. The walls remained. I asked myself why me, struggled to understand why I was so trapped. It wasn't until I realized NO ONE could tear the walls down for me that things began to happen. They were my walls and only I knew where the weak points were. I had to do all the hard work, while everyone watched and supported me. Sadly I kept the walls up so long that the man that emerged wasn't the same. Not as fun, not as full of life, not as willing to be himself. I now struggle everyday trying to reclaim the man that built the walls, which means there is still one wall left. I forget it is there, because it is behind me. I remember it, conveniently, just in time to hide behind it when I get scared to expose my emotions (aside from frustration) or to be myself. It is a wall that only I can remove and I am still working on it.
Once upon a time I was a crazy guy with no off switch. Not necessarily a good thing all the time, but most of the time it was good. Once I emerged from the ruble of the broken down walls a timid, shy and guarded man stood in the wake. I see the wonder in my children's eyes when I just let down the guard for a second. That is the man they want to see and know. Why is it so hard to be free? Man that wall is high! Perhaps I should have went in to the concrete business...my walls are indestructible. It is that final wall that holds back a portion of my life. The frustrating part of that is how obvious it is to me and yet, I can't remember where I worked in the emergency self destruct button to bring the wall crumbling down. Maybe there isn't one? Maybe I never expected to knock this over? I have been chipping away at the wall brick by brick. Hopefully I haven't missed everything by the time it is down.
Funny thought. I used to act in school. There I am...up in front of the school, exposed for everyone to see.....loving it. Today I find myself paralyzed to do anything remotely emotionally exposing even in a small group. Even around people who love me. People who will enjoy the fun of it. Some who have never seen this side of me and others who remember it like a deceased family member. Simple games where by you need to let loose your shyness and be goofy, fearfully proclaim "I'M OUT"! I give in. I am scared. Scared to be exposed. Scared to have someone see me enjoying myself....even I can't explain it. Sad.
During a recent board game with close friends; I was required to tell an embarrassing story about my childhood or pay a penalty (relax...it was only moving back a couple squares). I paid the penalty. My immediate and only thought was please don't make fun of me. Once upon a time I would have jumped on the chance to be the comedic butt of the joke. But, "Take the penalty", fear said. Fear won. A few rounds later I was required to say something complimentary about myself and then those around the table would do the same until someone repeated something others said or couldn't come up with one. WHAT?! I was petrified and fear froze my brain and I wasn't able to compliment myself. "What no one agrees with my compliment, what if I think I am something I am not, what if, what if, what if. Am I that uncomplimentary? I hope not. The timer was running out. Fear shouts, "Pay the penalty or face the next person in turn not being able to think of something! That will hurt!" I paid the penalty. Thankfully a friend was willing to point out my oversights. He mentioned some compliments I could have used. Thanks. I needed that. Unfortunately fear won again.
Since writing the above post awhile back I have come to re-visit some drafts and stumbled on this one. I needed to get that off my mind at the time, it weighed heavy; but I never could decide if I should post it. I think it is important for people to know that someone who can appear in control all the time, really is quite normal and has fears too. Many times I have caught people off guard by saying I am shy and sometimes insecure. I guess I hide it very well and portray an illusion of confidence. I am confident to a point and about certain things, but others not so much. Also since writing the above, I have broken down additional parts of that final wall. I am becoming more free and willing to be an openly fun guy who is a little goofy. Let's face it, I am a goofball and love to be the go to guy for laughs and entertainment. I know I have more work to do and slowly, but surely, the Jamie I once knew is on his way back to the forefront. It will be interesting to see how some react, mostly those who did not know the original version of me, friends I have made in the last 5 to 10 years. They are more familiar with the closed off version, that is very guarded. Look out people the show is back on!

I hope this is not a mistake by exposing myself to this degree. This post is a huge window into my insecurities. SCARY! Fear is screaming at me right now, but I am saying "Not this time my friend, not this time"

My Two Cents
Jamie