Failure = Success??

Ever tried something you thought you would be really good at failed miserably? I know I have. It is amazing how hard we can be on ourselves when this happens. The expectations were high, although there was nothing supporting the notion that we could do it, but we believed! Then upon coming to the shocking conclusion that we aren't truly living up to the vision of grace and excellence we came to understand; we crash hard like a kid about an hour after his pixie stix buzz wears off. Why do we set ourselves up to fail? Because it is essential to actually achieving any level of success. Failure breeds success.
I read this Michael Jordan quote that got me to thinking. All natural talent and amazing skills aside, MJ only reached his level of success by experiencing a lot of failure.

“I have missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot... and missed. And I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” Michael Jordan

I found it to be a powerful statement on success. Without failure, at least some small ones, we can never actually achieve true success. Each failure teaches you something and provides and opportunity to improve. Embracing failures empowers us to learn and ultimately achieve success. The challenge is to accept failure as a tool and not a terrible event. A tool used to define the growth of a successful person.
Let's back up a little, only to reflect on the word failure. The word failure seems so finite and harsh. However, by definition the word failure isn't as abrupt.

1.	an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success

2.	nonperformance of something due, required, or expected

3.	a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency

Words in the definition include; instance, nonperformance, an act. These action words break down the concept of failure to something much smaller, rather than the big picture feeling the word failure can evoke.
That's why I say failure is a useful tool. It marks a moment in time where I have a specific opportunity to learn something important. Of course, this is providing I am capable of looking inward to cease the opportunity instead of looking for others to blame or other excuses. This concept brings me to an import lesson. One I am learning as you read this. I have recently been struggling with my healthier lifestyle choices. Emotionally tough times have become a source of weakness and I am not defending myself very well.
Let's be clear, I haven't gained a pile of weight or anything. Surprisingly I am still maintaining, goes to show what a little exercise can do for maintenance! Any way, enough stalling. I believe lately my worries about my job and a shift in my parenting role (new teenager and daughter needing mom more than dad at this time) has actually caused some problems for me. I think I am feeling un-needed in some way. Sadly I have turned to food to console me, well really only one day in particular. Like an earthquake there have been some subtle aftershocks, but only one big shake up. It's a problem though, one I thought I had put behind me. However, I am here now to tell you this isn't a big deal (upon review of the event and subsequent detailed analysis).
I struggled for days with how I was dealing with this. I had a day of ridiculous food choices, all in the name of comfort. In my head, I pleaded with the food; Food make me feel better, please. I think the worst and most scary part of that day was the complete loss of control. I heard the rational voices in my head reminding me of the healthy choices I could eat, but it was almost like my rational voice had absolutely no effect on the actions of my body. Upon reflection, I truly felt scared by the events of that morning, how could I ignore the simple healthy choices?
As I made my way through that Saturday I seemed to regain my composure, slowly making my way back to sanity. In the past this type of eating would consume days and weeks; only to plant a small seed of habit to my eating practices. Over time those small little habits compounded one another and lead to my unhealthy weight. This time seemed different, a positive I need to focus on.
By Monday I was back to my exercise plans and re-focused on healthier food choices again. As a side note, I did not drop any of my exercise requirements, it was only my food/fuel choices that were effected by the break down. That was a couple weeks ago and I am looking back on my failure with an open mind. I am trying to find the lesson to be learned, perhaps a road map to avoid the pitfall when it happens again. Let's not kid ourselves here, this is a life long battle, one that will consist of shining, glorious moments of triumph and moments of unfortunate feelings of failure. Those who have never struggled with their weight don't truly understand and I don't expect them too. One lesson I learned for sure is the idea that mistakes are a part of the journey to a healthier life overall. I also realized something super important Sunday morning......I didn't gain 80 lbs due to my unfortunate set back!! That's right folks, as frustrating as it can be to suffer a set back, it DOES NOT set us back to the start! Take it on face value, a minor set back. The key was to review what led up to the break down and determine what can be done to get in front of the problem before it becomes the same minor set back.
For me, it definitely would involve talking to someone. I have an incredible person in my life who is understanding and patient. I need to trust in her support. It will be hard, no doubt, because the embarrassment of feeling powerless to stop myself from eating junk as a meal is overwhelming. But that is my tentative plan when I begin to feel powerless and seek the comfort of food next time. She won't be harsh or degrading, she will just talk me through it and be available to help.
The bottom line here is simply this; don't let failures monopolize your thoughts. Focus on the successes and get back on track ASAP. The very next day is ideal. If its food for you, get back to the healthy food choices like nothing happened. If you skipped the gym a few too many times, when you had no good reasons to do so, get back there at your next chance (same goes for home exercising). Don't head back (restart a home program) thinking you have to work harder to eliminate the recent failure because you cannot eliminate the failure. You can only move on from where you currently are. The focus has to be on what you are doing moving forward, not how can I erase what happened. Sadly we don't have any of those fancy devices the Men In Black have in the movie, that with the click of a button we forget the last few hours. That would be SWEET, but alas we have to file the experience under "Let's not do that again!" Moving on would be so much easier with mind wipe tool, don't ya think! Anyway.......
Thanks for allowing me to expose a low point my life. It seems the writing almost always focuses on the success and leaves some feeling like I am no longer struggling or experiencing any sort of failures. I fail, but I learn, therefore success is found within every failure.

So remember, as I tell myself first, I can't expect to never fail. Failure is an opportunity to learn and moving forward is my only option. If I never fail, quite frankly, I'm not making enough attempts at being a success!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Roadmap Through Murky Waters

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."

Mark Twain

What a great quote by Mark Twain. I received a great comment from a reader the other day. I KNOW...an actual reader! That is awesome, right! Okay enough goofing off, this is serious stuff and the readers expect more.......uh....let's move on, shall we.

The comment reinforced my decision to not allow others to impact my plan, as the Mark Twain quote says avoid those who belittle your plan. I appreciate the comment because it validates my feelings on the issue. Also it was a nice surprise to find out I'm not simply typing into cyberspace for the sole purpose of clearing out space in my head. Thank you very much to Ellen, who can be found here, http://keepingitoffblog.blogspot.com/ It's not that others (people I know) haven't spoke to me about my ramblings here in big, bad World of the Internet, but this comment came out of blue from someone I don't know and yet took the time to take interest in my dribble! I started writing to find some quiet comfort in the ideas and thoughts racing through my head, it can be soothing at times. Without getting this stuff on paper (sort of) I was constantly trying to remember an interesting thought or idea. I starting blogging with intent of finding readers and supplying them some entertainment and perhaps inspiration.

Ellen also made an important point that I need to continue to do what I am doing and those who are ready to follow; will. That is a very true statement. I forget that at times. I so desperately want to have a positive impact on others; in my strive to help them achieve whatever they are on a mission to achieve, I forget I can't decide they should become the success I see. They have to want it or at least have a clue it's there for the taking. Most of the time the most important key to their success is only one small thing....belief. Simple belief that they CAN do it and more importantly, having someone else actually believe its possible; I truly believe we are all capable of ANYTHING our greatest supporter thinks we can achieve. I like being that person; someone who believes they can do it, who knows I may be alone in the cheering section, but I alone can help them succeed. I probably like being that person because it deflects from my own struggles with finding success, but that is a whole different topic and about a hundred blogs worth of stuff.

Surround yourself with as many people who believe in what you are doing and success will come. A difficult reality facing those with doubt is; our daily lives are filled with saboteurs (intentional or not) and "surrounding" ourselves with believers isn't easy. I say, rather than waste too much time finding a whole horde of people; focus on finding one that will believe in you unconditionally. Someone willing to re-energize you when the daily buzz kills around you suck your potential right out of you. Nothing irritates small minded people more than someone having a dream or believing in something they can't possibly comprehend. With that I leave you this thought: If you want something, go get, it's yours for the taking. You own the potential to achieve it and it's time for you to shine!

My Two Cents

Jamie

HA HA! You Lost Weight!

Anyone who has read anything on this blog knows I have lost a lot of weight. I accomplished this through exercise and lifestyle changes. No secret formula, no magic pills, nothing but the same tools we all have at our disposal. As strange as it has been to experience people's reaction to my transformation; I think the most unexplained occurrence is that of mockery. Usually this happens among those who have only known me as I am today. The tendency is to poke fun at my eating habits and, here's the kicker, the type of food I eat! I don't understand. Even after they know the story of where I came from to where I am, they still joke about it. "All you do is fill up on vegetables!", which isn't true, but if it was I'm still confused...is that a bad thing? "Oh are you having a carrot stick for lunch?" This statement in itself should help me move on because clearly they don't pay any real attention to my eating habits. I eat plenty of food, in fact, I am certain I eat more than I did before.” You eat constantly, mind you it’s just a cracker here and an apple there", okay…it seems that you are getting it, but not really. I eat "constantly" to fuel the metabolism; I am keeping the fires burning. Envision a car with only a five litre tank on a road trip across the country. How many times will the fuel tank of a machine in constant motion need to be filled? Get the picture?

Next, the opposing reaction from those who have known me for many years; clearly these people only see what they want to see. When sitting down to eat with family and long time friends, I am constantly questioned about the quantity of food I am eating. "Is that all you're eating? You hardly ate a thing!”. Truth of the matter is I had a little bit of everything; I get the benefits of tasting all the great food without piling the food high on my plate to the point of breeching the plate's holding capacity. As I have mentioned in my blogs before the size of the plates is a major component to the problems society faces today. We start a meal with a plate big enough to feed two people from and proceed to fill it up with enough food to feed four. In certain cases, like times when there is dessert available after dinner, I will eat less dinner. If I am going to stop eating when I am full then I better save room for cake! Bottom line the stomach will stretch as far as you want it to. This is not healthy for your body or its digestive processes. One of the changes I’ve made is to NOT jam food into my pie hole until I just can't get anymore in. I eat till I'm full and stop, then eat again when I feel hungry, which can be as little as an hour later, depending on the healthy qualities of the food consumed. But again this continued attempt to have me eat more food in one sitting is frustrating. Spend a day with me and understand how much food I eat, then you will realize I eat plenty, just not all at once. But that would require an actual interest in what I have accomplished and how I did it.

Another fun issue, is clothing sizes. I used to wear shirts that were XL or XXL. Baggy shirts were better to hide the enormous guy beneath them. A while back I was shopping with my wife trying to buy a few shirts that would actually fit me and she continued to suggest I try on the S size. My mind was asking "Is this woman nuts, I can't squeeze into a small?!" I was still dealing with the move to M and not mentally prepared for a further size reduction. I tried the small on and low and behold it fit! Not just fit either, comfortable fit and flattering! Who knew! I wear a medium in some styles of shirts and small in others. But Large is definitely too big. This concept never seems to get through to some people, myself included at times. It almost seems they are offended by the mere suggestion that I wear a medium or small? "C'mon you can wear a large. It's not THAT baggy." Then horrific phrase used in their defence is uttered "I like my clothes to be comfortable"…shudder…big clothes are the most unflattering thing anyone can do. The XLs of the World elongate the body and shorten your frame and more importantly make you appear much bigger than you are. I wore them because I had too and wanted to hide. The uncomfortable feeling being used as an excuse for proper fitting clothes is more in reference to not being comfortable with one's own skin or size than the clothes themselves. For us guys, I think a big part of it is linked to our ego. Big (strong) guys need to wear big shirts; if I wear an XL then I must be a big, strong man! Sadly that is not true for most cases. I know I am stronger today than I ever was, yet I wear clothes that are smaller than I have ever worn, go figure! Now I like how comfortable I feel wearing a medium or small. But again the battle to wear the clothes I want, in the size I want shouldn't be a battle, but it is.

For the most part none of above issues are things that truly upset me, but lately I have been taking issue with those same people complaining about their own health issues and desires for change. They are frustrated with my simple answers and lack of magic. Whoa, what, wait a minute….you are not happy with your health but you are more than willing to make fun of my lifestyle habits? Back up the bus amigo! Perhaps for just a second you should take the time to learn from me. Am I special in some way? I don't think so, but I DID change some very simple things about my lifestyle and have witnessed changes I would never have bet a wooden nickel on. So, my suggestion is shut your trap, buck up and take the challenge to make changes in your life! I've said it before, "If truly want to see change in your life you WILL have to make changes in your life." Usually the changes aren't easy ones either. Suck it up buttercup and realize change isn’t always easy or fun, but perhaps necessary if you truly want to experience change.

I don't know. I guess I feel my accomplishments are not having an impact on enough people. It sounds self centered, but really it’s the exact opposite. I want people I care about, quite frankly anyone really, to be healthy. The hard part is knowing what I have done is attainable by anyone. Again, nothing magically has taken place here. But, there was hard work and specific actions taken. My concern is how long it took me to figure it out and how I see others ignoring the obvious while maintaining the status quo, only to be frustrated and discouraged with their own health. They say, “Lead by example.” There is the rub; I continue to remain diligent about my own health while others around me continue to ignore theirs’. If my example is supposed to lead, how come the followers are few and far between?

It is time for me to learn how to find the value in my own accomplishments and realize how much my own health is worth.

My Two Cents

Jamie

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

I recently received a message from someone who I knew a long time ago. We worked together and through the glory that is Facebook they were able to lay witness to the changes I have made over the last year and half; through a photo I posted of my wife and I at a recent family wedding. The message came with an uplifting feel that reminded me how important my journey has been. Not just for me, but for those around me too.

I still forget that the changes my body has undergone since March '04 are completely beyond the scope of what I thought was possible, and I guess the same can be said for people who have known me over the years; both recently and a long time ago. At my current age I have met a lot of people; and this lifestyle change has created a situation where so many people have never seen me looking like I do now. Because I have never looked like this as an adult! It's kinda crazy really. Looking back to my High School days some 20 years ago, my body was shaped differently and I weighed more. Not much more mind you; my current weight is about 20lbs lighter than my weight in High School. I can't honestly recall a time when I weighed the same as I do today, nor can I remember my body's shape looking the way it does now either. Also, I can honestly claim that I NEVER thought I could actually weigh less than 200lbs. The concept was foreign and unattainable to me just a short time ago. I didn't feel the need to be less than 200lbs either. In fact I always joked with guys that "You aren't a real man unless you weigh at least 200lbs!" Quite a bold statement, from someone trying to make an excuse for being over weight. For me to now be well under 200lbs is shocking to me. It almost doesn't seem real. Whenever I do get on a scale (which isn't often) I still expect the much more than I see. I usually get off and step back on, thinking I must have did it wrong. I walk away from the scale shaking my head wondering if it is true. Luckily I don't own a scale so I don't have to worry about being confused ALL the time!

I am still caught off guard by comments from people regarding how I look. Especially those I have known for so long and not seen in a while. They have known me for years and they only know one version of me and he is much bigger. From the age of 16 to 36 is a long time of meeting new people and building bonds of friendship. Some of those people I see regularly and others not so much. It is the ones I happen upon infrequently that are most astonished. They clearly have a specific memory of me and today's version just doesn't match.

The interesting part of this is when someone I have met since the changes collides with someone who has known me for years. The frame of reference for my friends of many years confuses those who are new acquaintances and friends to my World. Naturally newer friends only know me as I am today (80 lbs lighter than before) and can't imagine me any different, whereas, my long time friends, family and acquaintances at a different time in my life couldn't imagine me as I am today. It's an interesting merger of mindsets that I am fascinated by. I'm weird, I know. I am student of people and that will never change. One group looks at me wondering where it all went and the other group looks at me and wonders where would it go!

I am encouraged by the thoughtful things I have heard from people around me. It reminds me why I took up the challenge...to regain control of my health. Its those comments and compliments that act as motivation to remain on task. Healthy, strong heart and active muscles. Two goals, one life. Simple enough? I think so. I keep it simple and don't sweat the small stuff………except when I'm exercising!

My Two Cents

Jamie

Am I That Important? I sure hope not!

As I write this I am torn. Am I really a terrible guy? I don't believe this to be true. Some might think so, which is really unfortunate.

There comes a time, seemingly annually now, when I feel forced to question my worth in life. I know I shouldn't but certain events always put me in a precarious spot. I believe I make a serious effort to be a good person, perhaps too good. What I mean by that is; I consistently try to accommodate everyone (except those seeking PC help). The problem is, from time to time, World's collide and I am only one man and cannot be everything to everyone and additionally not everywhere at the same time. Its intresting how people don't pick up on this. People and events get missed, mostly due to lack of planning and advance notice on the event planner's part. Does it suck, yes, sure it does, but doesn't life go on?
But why is everything hinging on my appearance? Or at least made to seem that way? Why is the entire success and everyone's chance at a good time resting on my shoulders? Am I that important? I hope not!
I find myself feeling a great deal of pressure at these times. If I am not available the event will be ruined! Which is absolute nonsense Not allowing myself to be effected by this is something I need to continue working on for my own mental health. But the fact remains; if I respond that I am unavailable due to other plans and this causes the wheels of that party bus to come off, something is wrong. Am I right?
I cannot and quite frankly will not believe that the success of the event and everyone's happiness hinges on my attendance! Seriously?! Its just not possible. Nor do I want it to be. I know I'm not that important! That isn't a negative statement either, I just don't believe I can wield so much power over others state of mind. So why then, do comments and ill feelings projected towards me lend to the very notion that I wield this unwanted burden?
I will boldly suggest that the problem lies on the otherside of the equation. I have written before about ownership of problems and the path to less stress is to assign proper ownership of issues. Only own your issues and ensure others own theirs. I think the time is fast approaching that my last unconquered frontier is dealt a harsh taste of reality. I cannot have ANY effect on the happiness (or disappointment) of others unless THEY CHOOSE to have my actions effect their happiness. They will have to own their unhappiness and NOT project it back on to me or others around them. Their choice to be unhappy or disappointed is an emotion they own and must deal with it appropriately. Least of which is trying to pawn the emotion off on someone else rather than feel it themselves and process it.
Delve in to the feelings and realize no hurtful intentions exist and therefore a logical response would be to let it go and enjoy life and its glorious splendor. View the event as a missed opportunity for those not in attendance and a great time for those there. Its counter productive to constantly look at life based on what you don't have.
I cannot continue to allow others to assign their unresolved issues to me. Thus, projecting their feelings on to me, in an attempt to have me be the problem, to attempt to make me in to a bad guy.
I truly feel I am doing a good job of taking care of my responsibilities in my life AND living within the choices that have brought me to where I am today. I don't make excuses for my life choices nor do I expect anyone else to. I choose to find happiness in the choices, even the really, really tough ones. Are mistakes made absolutely, but moving forward is the only option. Moving back is impossible.

My Two Cents

Jamie
Sent from my BlackBerry device on the Rogers Wireless Network